kicking the bucket: death be not a player hater

I want to do that before I die! 

That phrase has almost become almost as cliché as they come, being muttered by drones wandering the cubical mazes making a theoretical list (ok, some people actually make a list) and never crossing a single adventure off of it.  I've begun to wonder as the drones wander... Do they make these lists as a crutch?  Do these idlers and settlers use the classic "Bucket List" as a way to have hope that their lives will magically one day turn into something fantastic?  Newsflash, kids, good things don't come to those who wait.  Great and mind-blowing things come to those who get off their asses and open the door themselves.  There is something to be said for patience (it is a virtue, after all... and we should all strive to be virtuous, right?) and not being too hasty, but where is it written that we need to wait until our retirement to live life until it hurts-so-good?  I wouldn't want to be a senior citizen trying to climb 530 steps to the top of St. Paul's Cathedral and have my hip pop out!  Though, dear readers, I did manage this climb on the one day it was sunny in London and I was wearing a skirt.  (You're welcome, German tourists, hope it wasn't too distracting from the centuries of history and culture surrounding you.)  

I started asking my most interesting and dearest friends if they had ever taken the time to sit down and pen out their "Bucket List" out.  A few had compiled a tangible list, to no surprise, and I was fortunate to have them share their sensational, albeit some nonsensical aspirations with me.  A few souls admitted it's on their notepad in their iPhone (good God where would we be without them?) for constant editing.  There was a scattering of surprises, though, that caused me to stumble when they shrugged their proverbial shoulders when admitting they hadn't put much thought into it or muttered, "There are things I want to do before I die." Oy. 

Some of the entries were outstanding.  My sister's boyfriend and my dear friend, Chris (who specifically asked to be credited with his), wants to live in a tree.  No, really.  He also wants to stay in the Hobbit Shire homes in New Zealand.  I applaud his remarkable and distinguished list, as it reminded me that "Travel Asia" isn't enough when it comes to figuring out my list.  One of my favorite people on the planet, Benton, rocked my world with some of his entries, though I shouldn't be surprised as his mind is one of evil genius married with eccentric splendor.  Only he could come up with having his outgoing message recorded by the voice of NPR, Carl Kasell- classic Benton.  What threw me was his final submission: he wants to be struck by lightening. My initial reaction surprised me; I was exhilarated.  What a rush!  The ultimate 'To-Do' is death, really, so this should probably be his last, but he most likely considered that while assembling his list.  Richard, an old friend and stellar soul, has a concise and well thought-out list; his entries ranging from playing catch with his father on the Field of Dreams at Cooperstown (family sentiment) to scuba diving with sharks and moving to Las Vegas for an entire year.  I love the variety and brilliance of some of the tasks these amazing people came up with.  I decided to dive a little deeper.... into something they call, "The Inter-Web". Some up-and-coming thing all the kids are using.  We'll see if it takes off. 

Skydiving, 2nd time, 2009

 think there is a substantial difference between "The Bucket List" and some things you wouldn't mind doing.  These things should incite riots within you, raising exhilaration to new heights when you discuss it or- gasp!- make plans to cross it off your precious list.  For example, I have been to both Disneyland and Disneyworld, and one day would like to visit TokyoDisney, but I must admit it is more because of my ridiculous obsession with Japan than it has to do with Disney.  If I am in Paris or Hong Kong, I won't prioritize spending my money or time wandering around a theme park.  Therein lies the key: prioritizing. Everything on my Do-It-To-It Bucket List is prioritized from this point forward!

Granted, I wrote one when I was 15 or so, then again at 18, but they have fallen victim to Spring cleaning or mistaken identity of a grocery list, one would think.  In this age of ludicrous technology, why not pry into random individuals most private desires, much like you are doing to mine?  I might as well make sure there is nothing I am missing out on!  I first and foremost had to grab something tangible to put these hot little ideas down on.  I know myself, I am a list maker, and if I am going to make these dreams of mine a sweet reality, the list needs to be as tangible as I desire them to be.  (Besides, that gives me something to scrapbook later!  Oh, in case we haven't met, I'm a massive nerd.  Alright, back to my list.) I started by making two separate lists: Badass Adventures That Made Me Who I am & You Jealous and Adventures That Won't Happen If I Am Sitting On My Sweet Ass.  Admittedly, that's a bit wordy (even for myself, the Wordsmith) so I simplified: Things I Have Done and The Bucket List, respectively.  I wrote as much as I could, as quickly as I could to get things rolling along before picking the brains of random people all over the world.  

Himeji, Japan 2006

I found that most individuals ambitions revolve around accomplishments, such as Masters Degrees & eliminating debt, and travel.  As I found myself scrolling quickly through blogs, lists and forums it hit be: I've done almost all of these.  How fortunate am I to be scribbling furiously in this bright lavender ink (I keep it real) over the Benn-There-Done-That side of this experiment?  I did manage to find a few I hadn't done or even considered, one I even added to my own list.  It felt amazing to fill the blank pages with my adventures and accomplishments, even the smaller ones we often forget about, like witnessing a sunrise from its inception or getting slap-you-in-the-face-drunk. Conversely, there are some things that I just cannot bring myself to put on my list, but you bet your ass I will proudly put them on my list of accomplishments should I ever find myself in that position: getting arrested, streaking or breaking someones bone.

Playing with baby tigers, 2010

One of the most inspiring people I have ever met was only in my life for a short while before she left our advertising agency to travel the world and increase her badass levels to incomparable levels. Laurenne Sala: author, freelance writer, creative director, comedian, producer, story teller, cultural guru (my opinion) and general hottie.  She uses words like 'vagina' and writes up mock-interviews with God, calling him a douchebag because he won't get off his Blackberry.  She traveled the world because she damn well felt like it and she's on of the most genuine people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.  Her blog is the highlight of my day, and with a name like Humans Are Funny can you blame a girl? She wanted to attack life, not sit back and hope the right people meandered into her office at the right time.  She puts herself out there, breaking pretty much all the social standards and rules we try to abide by, and she does it with a gorgeous smile and no shame.  I feel fortunate to have someone as such a stellar example of someone taking life by the balls and forging her own path, not giving half a damn about what others might think she is "supposed" to be doing. 

The thing I hate the most about advertising is that it attracts all the bright, creative and ambitious young people, leaving us mainly with the slow and self-obsessed to become our artists.. Modern art is a disaster area. Never in the field of human history has so much been used by so many to say so little. - Banksy

Don't worry, Banksy, she plays for both teams. Advertising and art, that is... Hopefully she forgets she gave me permission to use her in this blog because I can't bring myself to delete that.  Maybe humans are, in fact, funny... Regardless, Laurenne was brought into my life for a specific reason, as she has never been far from my mind and I see her wearing an attitude rivaling the one I am tailor-making for myself at this point in time.  Laurenne reminded me of my list, and I am fortunate enough to say that I have inspired a few others, in my asking, to make theirs and start making plans. 

Every body dies, but not everybody lives.  I'm not going to allow death to be my greatest adventure, I want to welcome it with a smile and an eased sense of satisfaction.  Hopefully, as the title of this entry boasts, death will not keep me from my list of adventures I am about to share with you.  Please note, it has been simplified greatly because listing every place I want to visit would be ridiculous.  More will be added... 

Adventures That Won't Happen If I'm Sitting On My Ass

See the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis) 

Go whitewater rafting   May 2012, Peru

Go scuba diving

Ride a dogsled 

Attend an Olympic event 

Learn to Salsa dance in South America  November 2011, Quito Ecuador 

Visit all 7 continents

Visit all 50 states 

Celebrate New Year's Eve in a foreign country  Montañita, Ecuador 2011-2012

Finish learning Japanese 

Sing karaoke solo  6/5/13 Gunpowder & Lead, Miranda Lambert (Thanks, Mom!)

Write a book 

Use a fire extinguisher 10/28/11 Thanks, Nik Cherwink! 

Finish learning guitar 

See the 7 Wonders of the World

-Machu Picchu, Peru   05/27/12

-Great Wall of China, China

-Great Pyramid of Giza, Egypt 

-Taj Majal, India 

-Christ the Redeemer, Brazil 

-Stonehenge, England

-Colosseum, Italy

Play one song at an open mic night

Move overseas   Ecuador, 2011

Drive on the Autobahn 

Set a World Record  32,673 Luche Libre masks worn @ Angels Game 5/10/11

Attend a World Cup match

Attend Coachella  April 15-17, 2011

Attend Burning Man 

Go sailing

Paint a self-portrait 

Participate in a Japanese Tea Ceremony

Attend an opera 

Float down the Amazon River

Ride a unicycle 

Write with a quill 

Seal Island in South Africa

Ride an elephant in Thailand

Be in two places at once  Mitad del Mundo, Ecuador 2012

Milk a cow

Attend Carnaval in South America Carnaval de Barranquilla, Colombia February 2012

Ride in a helicopter  

Go on an African Safari 

Drink Guinness in Ireland  Study Abroad, May 2005

La Tomatina Festival in Buñol, Spain
Sakura (Cherry Blossom) Festival in Okinawa, Japan
Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany 
Mardi Gras in New Orleans, LA
Hot air balloon ride 
Brew homemade beer Amie Ann Amber Ale - Sept 2011
Visit a nude beach 
Climb Sydney Harbor Bridge in Sydney, Australia 
Visit every country in South America 
Fill up a passport before it expires 
Learn to surf  North Shore, Oahu - Dec 2012
Save someone's life
Live in Japan
Fire a flamethrower
Join the 100 Club (countries)
Volcano Boarding in Nicaragua 
Cage diving with sharks 
Dine in the Sky 
Swim in the Dead Sea in Isreal
Death Road in Bolivia (I assume cycle... We shall see...) 
Wing Walking 
Go snowmobiling 
...
BAM. Let's do this.
xx.a

young & restless: grey matter turns to gold

In this society of instant gratification, the majority of us are impatient, demanding & spoiled.  Be it by the technology we are addicted to, the speed at which news (whether it is juicy gossip or that stuff that happens to people and countries and... stuff) travels, or the easily developed (and just as easily terminated) relationships we are involved in or witness to.  If my iPhone 4 takes more than a few seconds to load my facebook feed, I find myself letting out a sigh and tapping my fingers on the back of my overpriced phone. 

Not sure if you are restless and spoiled?  Ask yourself these questions:

-If my significant other takes over 2 minutes to respond to my text, do I resend? Twice? 
-If someone else knows about Britney's newest break-up before me, am I jealous? 
-If my significant other pisses me off, am I quick to tweet they're a douche & dump them?
-If my dinner takes more than 15 minutes to make, do I pop in a frozen dinner?


That all seems a bit on the negative side, though.  In fact, it doesn't even really seem like those are symptoms of restlessness... they more lean towards spoiled. I decided to ask a few people whose opinions truly matter, those that often have surprising insight.  (Here I must admit, it shouldn't be surprising after the months and years that I have known them, and for that I admit I am fortunate to know them and thank them for being them!)


A good friend of mine, when asked by me his take on restlessness, stated simply & truthfully, "Restlessness seems to be a form of inspiration to you in general, you should always remain restless!"  I like to think of myself as a relatively perceptive person when it comes to myself, though I will admit that my focus remains on others and their habits, but this stopped me in my immersed and focused tracks.  This is absolutely true! Being restless does not necessarily mean one is unhappy with their current circumstances, just that they are in need of enriching their lives even more.  


There is so much grey area with every topic nowadays: We are not limited to 'liberal' & 'conservative', we have 'moderate', amongst others. We are not limited to 'straight' & 'gay', we have 'bi', amongst others.  We are not limited to 'happy' & 'sad', we have countless emotionally-based adjectives.  The same can be said for the types of restlessness we encounter.   


I asked one of my dearest & most insightful friends his take on restlessness, doing my best not to try and predict his response. He stated, "Restlessness only occurs when you're waiting for something; so focus on the journey to attaining what you're wanting/waiting for. It's a positive sign, it's noble & worthy".  Another positive response from such a great mind.  I started thinking about how I am actually feeling when asked, "How are you?" and I respond, "Well, but restless..." I am in fact sans negative feelings.  I am quite happy, content even, with where I am in my life.  But am I satisfied?  Hell no.  Therein lies the difference, the definitive understanding muddled in all this grey matter: Being restless means I am wanting more, wanting to better myself, not settle for what I am currently experiencing... But that does not mean that I am ungrateful for that which fills the days of my life at this current time.  


Word of warning: We must be careful not to confuse the restlessness with boredom, apathy, frustration or indecisiveness!  Boredom is your own failure to recognize potential in your day & yourself.  Apathy is merely ungratefulness & laziness and, to quote a classic, the glove into which evil slips its hand (ok, Van Wilder isn't a classic per se, but it might be... one day...).  Frustration is, again, the failure to take advantage of potential, but also stifling yourself on a half dozen different levels!  The greatest of all these sins is indecisiveness.  It is the best way to lose a fantastic opportunity, the worst way to show someone that they are not a priority in your life, and a ridiculous way to live- allowing time and opportunities pass you by as though they are a renewable resource.  Restlessness does not embody any of these, and recognizing that is the first step to identifying your source of restlessness.  Those who confuse their restlessness with these or any other negative emotion are not connected with their true self, nor their emotions.  I hope this encourages us all to reevaluate our current situations and our honest levels of contentment and progress.  I look forward to this part of my journey... and remaining restless. 


Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure. -Thomas Edison


xx.a

the ties that bind us

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.  

-George Bernard Shaw

No one is perfect, it has been said, however I think that in our imperfections, we become perfect.  I am exactly how I should be. Yes, I am loud when I drink, I laugh like a total nerd, I bend over backwards for too many people too often, I border on naive in my faith in people, I am impulsive & I get my hopes up far too easily.  But that is a big part of what makes me Amie.  Love it, hate it, don't understand it... It's still a fantastic dynamic.  In this day, we can genetically design our babies before they're conceived, cross-breed dogs to create a desirable breed others cannot afford and select complete strangers off of a roster online to see if they are good enough to be a business partner ::ahem:: I mean, mate, for our ridiculous lives.  It fails to surprise me, then, that we nitpick our friends, families and lovers til their souls die enough and they become shells of their former selves.  Our actions tell them, Fit into my mold!  Some try. Some leave. Where is the middle ground?  Is even the middle ground healthy? 

Treat your family like friends and your friends like family.  -Proverb

If we are able to [finally] break up with the significant others who break our hearts and cut out our friends that drag us down; why cannot we also exorcise those family members that are toxic to our very souls?  Every girl has had the mother or girlfriend who has said to them after the 500th fight with their boyfriend, "Honey, enough is enough. It shouldn't be this hard..." Where is the friend or lover standing by to tell us, "Dude, you don't have to put up with this, even if they are family"?  Admittedly, there are countless varying degrees of dysfunctional, and each individual needs to be the judge as to what level of dysfunctional is the straw that breaks the camel's back.  For me, it is when someone becomes so toxic, that there is just no moving forward.  It becomes an ugly tango where moving on and making peace is not an option in their mind.  Love, forgiveness and willingness to better themselves and the relationship are a must.  I also believe, above all the aforementioned things, that humbleness need overtake pride. Try to not only sympathize with your family, but empathize with them.  Seek first to understand, then be understood.  Know your own weaknesses, admit them, be humble & get over this damned pride that stunts our emotional and spiritual growth.  If you are allowing pride and its disastrous counterparts (stubbornness, apathy, malice, vengeance, bitterness, immaturity) to prevent a remedied relationship, then you are dooming it on your own terms.  

They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers.  -David Assael

We can pick our friends, we can pick our nose, but we cannot pick our friends' nose.  We also cannot pick our family.  I know that there are some friends in my life that have become my family, and I cannot imagine my life without them.  We put up with more from people because they are family, and that is understandable.  But when we realize they don't want to better the relationship and they want their own world to be the sole existence, do you put your hands up and concede them their wants?  Not because it's too hard, but because they will be genuinely happier?   It's hard to explain and fix a lifetime of hurt, especially if it is ill-perceived or even misconceived. As I have grown up I have learned many, many things... My parents are not infallible, Santa Claus is a necessary lie, laughter keeps you young, absolutes are anything but, one person's trash is, in fact, anothers treasure & relationships are hard: regardless of what type.  The hardest lesson I have learned, taking me 27 years to do so, was that just because your blood runs in the veins of another, doesn't mean you are connected, no matter how badly you want it.  If you love something, set it free... 


Family will always quarrel, they will always love hard, they will always fall upon each other in hard times.  One thing there should never be is hate.  Hate is the ugliest of words because it is the ugliest of emotions.  We have an estranged uncle on my mother's side, whom, due to excessive drug abuse, has done unthinkable things to my family.  We don't speak with him, and though he is dying of awful diseases brought on by said drug abuse & reckless lifestyle  choices, I cannot bring myself to hate him. I pity him and his cowardly approach to life. I am saddened that his lack of priorities has left his young daughter without a proper direction, pregnant & likely to repeat his mistakes.  I feel remorse that he wasn't able to be helped, though Lord knows my family tried.    I don't hate him.  I blame him, I don't trust him, I ache for the sadness my mother felt early in their relationship's demise.  Hate should never be a family word.  Hate denotes malevolence & apathy at the same time: if you hate me, and I were to pass on, you would either not care or be glad this world is rid of me.  These definitions are non-negotiable.  People cannot simply determine after these words are uttered that their meanings are different than that of the rest of society.  Pick another word, stop and feel your emotions and take the time to find the appropriate description before you slap labels and make your feelings clear & absolute.  Some things cannot be unsaid, some things cannot be undone & some things cannot be fixed.  


Family is about acceptance and unconditional love: If these ridiculous, completely different individuals can all love and accept each other, why can't we?  

Life is short: Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, create something, be good to one another, break the rules, take chances & don't trample on others' hearts. 

xx.a

twenty.seven

Tomorrow I will have been on this earth for twenty-seven years. Twenty. Seven.


Didn't I just turn 25 and have my 'Quarter Life Crisis'?  Was that even a crisis?  I was more tripping out about where my life was, I think.  For those of you who know me, 26 was a cluster-ball-buster, and, though I would rather wipe it from the books completely, there was so much outside drama happening I was unable to process anything internally.


What have I accomplished?
How far have I come?
Who am I?


Add about a dozen more questions, the last being; "By whose standards?"

Here are some things that others accomplished at the age of 27: 

-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. dropped out from his job at General Electric to become a full-time writer.

-Henry David Thoreau went off for two years to live alone in a cabin at Walden Pond.

-Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first person in space.

-Memphis millionaire Frederic W. Smith founded Federal Express.

-Scottish botanist David Douglas discovered the Douglas fir.

-Ernest Hemingway published his first novel, The Sun Also Rises.

-Boston dentist William Morton pioneered modern anaesthesiology after learning that inhalation of ether will cause a loss of consciousness.

-Conceptual artist Piero Manzoni crapped in 90 small cans which were then factory sealed and offered for sale at the price of gold.

 Even the conceptual artist did something worth mentioning!  It's not as if I haven't accomplished anything, I know I have lived leaps and bounds beyond many people my age, and even some twice my age, but it leaves me wondering... Does it matter, and if it does, do I give a half a damn? What do I care if someone my age owns a condo and has been at the same job for 5 years? I lived in Europe, shot with some of the most revered photographers in the world, met countless fascinating people and kissed the stars. Take that, Manzoni! 


I have discovered that judging oneself requires a certain sense of consideration of the surroundings.  For example, you can own a 2500 sq. ft. home in the south for under $200k... or you can own a condo at 1/3 the size for 3x the price in Los Angeles.  Those of us living in major metropolitan areas shouldn't be judged against the same standards as those living in the burbs, there is no circumstantial level playing field. I feel the same is true for most circumstances, even one's career choice alters completely the standards by which they are judged.  In the advertising industry, no one- literally- gets married before they are 35.  Women in the South go to college to obtain their MRS degree.  (Can't take credit for the marriage joke, but it's my favorite.)  I think it's safe to say that judging where a life is based on age is pretty much approaching pointless.  Aside from having a job, not living in your parents' basement while playing LAN games all day with guys wearing PacMan shirts, there isn't much else one can ask of an individual.  Live your life, that's all one can do. If you're not busy living, you're busy dying. 


At 26 years and 364 days old/young, I can honestly say that even though I don't own a home, have a solid savings account, a husband, kids or a solid career path like my grandfather before me, I cannot help but feel accomplished and happy.  Yes, I have work to do and things to change, but overall this short, wild ride we call life is not going to be reviewed by the Accomplishment Gods on a checklist-style grading curve.  If anything, it will be how full our hearts are, how exciting our stories are and our battle scars- those acquired and self-inflicted.  I love every one of mine. 


The souls we lost at 27- Pope John XII, artist Jean-Michel Basquiat, athlete/soldier Patrick Tillman, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and James Morrison- goes to show that there is no set standard or guarantee of "one day"...  Perhaps my "Holy shit, I'm 28..." blog entry will bode boasting of my survival, and that of legendary stories.  Cheers to old age.  xx.a

rain, rain, come when I say...

The rain is loved by some, hated by others. Either way you tend to lean it seems that there is no escaping that it refreshes and renews everything, washes clean the day to day madness and waste and allows a clearer view of the world upon ceasing.  It is considered, by some, to be a necessary evil- washing our cars, watering our lawns and gardens, cleaning our gutters- but in this world of instant gratification, society often wants what it wants, but when when they want it.  


We don't always want things when they are offered to us and can even be found proverbially stomping our feet when it is raining instead of the sun beating down on our skin.  Isn't this true of opportunities in our everyday life?  Perhaps the rain, so to speak, is offered to us to help us reset our points of view and our behavior.  Everyone needs a rest once in a while, to decline a social engagement and recharge their batteries, reconnecting with their loved ones at home, or even just yourself.  Why complain about the rain when you can take a deep breath and appreciate that maybe it is time to reconnect, recharge, or just put that to-do list in its place.  


The same can be said for a moment of weakness or sadness in life, even if unprovoked or elicited, just to allow yourself to settle and release anything negative from the week.  I don't think some people allow themselves the quite moments where the rain beats on the windows and there is silence.  Conversely, some people focus far too much on the torrential downpour they feel their life represents.  To those glass-half-empty people; knock it off. Life is tough, we all go through a tremendous amount of suffering, loss & tragedy in our lives.  Truth be told, some handle more than others, but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate the beautiful moments that bombard us daily!  Stop focusing on the negative, and find the silver lining. 

"Rain, rain, go away... Come again another day!" 


I think it beneficial to learn to appreciate the rain, for without it, we cannot appreciate the sun.  Just like we cannot appreciate those wonderful moments with our loved ones without time alone, and the reverse being just as true.  So when it rains, remember that it is feeding your gardens and lawns, which when it is sunny, you will play on and enjoy so much more, as they are green and healthy.  When your soul has a rainy day, remember that it is making you stronger and you are going to be twice as amazing the next day.  We should stop trying to control every aspect of our lives, allow some things to carry you to a new and wonderful place, then get back on your feet and forge an incredible path of your own.  


"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky." -Rabindranath Tagore 


xx.a

realism v. romanticism

We as individuals are forced to define ourselves on a daily basis: age, race, gender, socioeconomic status, vocation, ethnicity, religion, creed, sexual preference, political party... The list goes on and on.  As I have mentioned before, I consider myself to be a dichotomous person, and am often frustrated when it comes to labeling myself to ease someones discomfort and uncertainty.  I have been posed many questions in my years wandering this planet, some have been the easiest to answer, some remain unanswerable based on an inability to fully shove my thought process and belief system into a box someone else made 100 years ago.  The one question that has often puzzled me, yet I refuse to give up on, is as follows: 


Are you a Romantic or a Realist? 


I pride myself on having spent many moons in the depths of both lands.  I once resided so deep in the forest of Realism that I begin to wonder if I have lost my mind, much like the movie 'Inception', and had become cynical and jaded.  I basked in the unadulterated glory of the sun of Romanticism that I feared burning my retinas and never seeing clearly again.  I am pleased to report that I believe I survived both exposures, in spite of their duration and adverse effects on the ol' ticker.  


I decided to delve into each respective philosophy and figure out what it is that is keeping me awake at night and answer these questions: 


1.  Are the presentations of Realism & Romanticism skewed, respectively, and does this affect our perception of the philosophies? 
2.  Are they mutually exclusive? Mutually beneficial? 
3.  Can I be both? 



ro·man·ti·cism

       [roh-man-tuh-siz-uhm]

         –noun

1. Characterized by a heightened interest in nature, emphasis on the individuals expression of emotion and imagination, departure from the attitudes and forms of classicism, and rebellion

against established social rules and conventions.

re·al·ism

       [ree-uh-liz-uhm]

          –noun

1. Interest in/concern for the actual or real, as distinguished from the abstract, speculative, etc.

2. The tendency to view or represent things as they really are.
3. The doctrine that universals have a real objective existence.
4. The doctrine that objects of sense perception have an existence independent of the act of perception.

Romanticism is often classified as "unreasonable, irrational, unrealistic, fantasy" etc. I chose the above definition, after a fair amount of searching, because it is the least threatening to the spirit of the movement.  This definition is complimentary, whereas others, such as, "Not based on fact; imaginary or fictitious" denotes a complete lack of credibility and leaves little magnetism [cue: irony]. I see little to nothing wrong with allowing the poetry of life to enhance each of our respective lifetimes here on the third rock from the sun.  


Realism, conversely, denotes a purely logical approach to life.  Who wouldn't be a realist?  It's silly to live in La La Land like a Romantic.  Terms like "Really are" and "Actual" insinuate indirectly that Romanticism is ridiculous and should be left on stage at high school graduation.  Grow up, Amie. You cannot possibly be a romantic.  You have years and years of education, have been in the work force for over a decade and have had enough heartbreak to carry you through two lifetimes! 


Oh, but then there is that little line about "existence independent of perception".  Shit.  That actually makes sense.  Is that where the beauty- raw as it may be- of Realism lies?  How very He's Just Not That Into You... "Stop superimposing your self-developed ideals and fantasies into reality... It is what it is."  Oh, bite me. Life is far too short to be an extremist and even shorter when you consider that not one person on this bloody planet- experts of all sorts included- knows what in the blazes they are doing.  We are all stumbling through this life, even those who know infinitely more than the rest, and all we can do is love and learn every single day. That being said, since we don't know exactly what reality is, nor are we experts in perception or presentation of self, we most likely are screwing something up.  Oh, that's reality. 


Enter: Romanticism.  Realism says, "He didn't call, he's not into you."  Romanticism says, "He got busy... he's nervous...he's waiting 6 days like 'Swingers'..." Often times individuals- especially women, by gender role- tend to bury their heads in the [romantic] sand in hopes that Realism won't wander by and smack them upside the head. A crutch is unnecessary, ladies and gentlemen, just take a deep breath and one step forward at a time. We need balance in our lives, that is undeniable.  What is often forgotten is that the balance is respective to each individual person.  Male and female gender roles may play a part in generalities, but over all I find that the soul needs to be fed what it needs to be fed.  My soul needs both. 


Therefore I have composed two short letters to each respective movement, in hopes that one day, if I am a really good girl, Santa Clause will bring me what I wish for. 

Dear Realism,

Please help me to not get my hopes up and expect too much from people; both as a societal whole and as individuals in our relationships.  Please remind me daily that I need to work hard, as no one is going to give me what I want or take care of me for the rest of my life.  Please help me to see shit coming that I might normally be to head-in-the-clouds to foresee & the calmness to navigate the situation rationally.  Oh, and a decent 401k. 

Regards,

Amie 

And now, it's counterpart: 

Dearest, Sweet Romanticism... 

Please help me to travel the world (without breaking the bank, of course) and complete my bucket list before I am too old to read it.  Please help me to keep my girly figure (while not obsessing over every meal, of course) and have as little physical change over the next 40 years as possible. Please let me live without regret (while learning from my mistakes, of course) and keep all of my friends (while making new ones, of course) close and loved.  Most importantly, please help me to find someone to fall deeply in love with someone who I can be myself with (who has the same goals/core beliefs, of course) to share my life with. Please let them be kind, caring, considerate, trustworthy, honest, loving, compassionate, generous, hopeful, smart and driven (but modest, of course).  Please let that person appreciate me, life & all the blessings around them (without being too soft, of course). Please let every day be an adventure, let each night be a celebration of sorts and let each beautiful moment be appreciated.  

All my love and gratitude, 

Amie Ann 

Satire aside, I don't see anything wrong with allowing the soul to reside in both categories.  We all go through stages in our lives and shouldn't we allow ourselves to adjust our personal philosophies as we adjust our diets, musical tastes and views on the world?  Call me a "Romantic Realist", if you must, but I have come to the official decision that I am both.  I am a Realist in that I know that Murphy's Law is a very real thing, that relationships take equal effort on both parts & that I can no longer eat a cheeseburger and not work out.  I am a Romantic in that if I put enough good energy out there that I might actually catch a break, that I will find someone to be weird with for the rest of my life & that I will still eat a cheeseburger, but skipping the escalator in favor of the stairs will make a difference.  I feel like I have found my balance (or as close as I can come to it at this point in my life) with the star crossed lovers... Yes, Realism can exist without the immediate effects of Romanticism, and vice versa, however would anyone really want them to?  They need not be mutually exclusive, though.  I am sure, dear reader, that you are thinking to yourself, "Shit, I forgot my coffee on the counter!" But after that you are assuring yourself, "This is the Romantic in Amie, believing Romanticism & Realism can co-exist in someone peacefully".  Sorry to disappoint, but even the Realist in me knows that if you focus on the strengths of each entity, you can become a stronger, better and more passionate version of yourself!  Figure out which version of yourself- the Romantic or the Realist- is better with each respective situation (relationships, work, adventure, etc.) and let them take the reigns. Of course, it never hurts to let the other do a little backseat driving.... 

I hope for the best, but prepare for the worst... I vow to myself to make the best of everything.

"Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else."  -Hob Broun

"There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle."  -Albert Einstein

xx.a