Sunday, February 12, 2012

learn from a baby: do not have a wishbone

Whether we remember it or not, we all learned to walk at some point in our lives by putting one fat, little foot in front of the other at a time. Before We did that, however, we had to find the catalyst for our endeavor.

We, as infants, sit there on our diaper-clad bottoms and crane our necks around to see what is going on and what we can find. We then either let out a gut-wrenching wail, signifying we want something and it should be delivered to us immediately, or the consequences are deafening... Or we roll defiantly onto our Buddha belly and manage to slither over to our holy grail and pull on shit til something happens. For a child, whom is learning everything for the first time, this is not only acceptable, but it is the norm. For an adult, however, I implore those who can find the connection in my metaphor: Have you no legs to stand upon?

As our infants selves find, after a while, that we are indeed tired of banging our knees on hardwood floors and using our hands for movement and support, when they should be used for grasping and exploring. We begin to pull ourselves upwards for a clearer view and more efficient approach to our world. It's amazing what you can see when you choose to stand and rise above the mess. We realize that the bottoms of our fet enjoy the fuzzy carpet or cool tiles of our home and, shortly thereafter, we learn that they desire the rough texture of the sidewalk or the warmth of the asphalt after a long Summer's day. Our hands, we find, never miss the weight of our bodies and our necks do not long for the crick they develop from always straining to look upwards. It is in this moment, when standing upright and seeing the brighter side of things, that we look down at our chubby toes and think, "These tools are mine." and we begin to imagine the possibilities.

Granted, everyone thinks differently, and we may not all see our feet as tools... Unless you're a chimpanzee, in which case I applaud your reading abilities and would like to have coffee with you. Or a banana shake. Some of us never realize what tools we have in our arsenal, we merely lie there, drooling on ourselves and whimper until someone coddles us and assumes we shat ourselves. This, dear reader, is not the existence I choose. (Especially the part about soiling myself.). I choose, not by default, to stand and to see if my tattooed feet can carry me to where I want to be and what I want to do. Alright, world. I'm standing. Now what? If you try to begin running full force towards your destination, you will without a doubt find your muscles aren't ready and your balance is off. Your arms may or may not protect your sweet, chubby cheeks from the dog toys on the floor as you face plant three steps after you take off. Chill out. Take a deep breath, focus on balancing, ignore the TV and the vacuum cleaner, and just take one step. "One step at a time" is one of the best pieces of advice offered and one of the most ignored and underappreciated at the same time.

The heights charm us, but the steps do not; with the mountain in our view we love to walk the plains.-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Babies are the perfect analogy for anyone trying to make a change in their life. It's hard. It's new. It's a risk. It definitely isn't something someone can do for you. If I could wish anything for those who are looking for that "Dare to Be Great" situation, it is to not have a wishbone where your backbone should be. Babies get up off their cute little asses, climb on shit they shouldn't, and literally push themselves to their limits. Adults look like pansies next to babies! Yes, there is that element of danger, but as we grow and learn, we are able to make intelligent judgement calls (doesn't mean all adults choose to exercise this ability...) and yet we find ourselves "playing it safe" more and more... Or, as I like to call it, "playing it scared". What a mediocre existence.

If you are wanting to change your life, find yourself sitting at the same desk staring at the same reports and doing the same shit, and you want to change it: Do it. Scared? Start with one step. If you really need to ease into it, read my last blog entry about daring yourself and start shaking things up. If you think you are actually ready to start, follow these steps:

1. Make a complete list of things that excite you/make you happy.
2. Make a complete list of shit you hate in/about your life.
3. Keep List #1.
4. Destroy everything on list #2.
5. Destroy List #2.

Whew. Work is hard. Ok, so maaaaaaaybe there are a few things on List #2 that might be difficult to get rid of; like perhaps your job. Please refer to List #1 and find something you love and are excited about and figure out a way to make money doing it for a living. There is absolutely nothing more incredible than feeling excited to go to work because you love it so much. You'll work harder, do a better job, be happier, have better sex, sleep better, and look better because of it. Trust me, I'm a scientist.

I am so confident in that last paragraph that I will even issue a dare:

Post your lists on this blog post (or email them to me) and I will help you figure out ways to be happier, even if only the first step.

Yes, I know, things aren't always black and white... Shit gets complicated. That does not mean that you are stuck! I have a friend who is unhappy in her marriage, and she wants to leave her husband, but cannot seem to do so. I will leave her details private, regardless of her anonymity, I want to respect her. However, every time we speak, I cannot help but battle fiercely the urge to hand her my sword and encourage her to fight this inner war. She isn't ready. She must first walk, before she slays a dragon. So I told her to find her balance, look at her feet, and take one step. She has made her lists. She is focusing on List #1 and slowly dismantling List #2. I proceeded with this process in November of 2010, and have never been happier. List #2 (R.I.P.) is long gone and my List #1 is bright and shiny. I was waddling around my proverbial living room for a year before I reached up, opened the front door, and stepped outside onto the cool, freshly cut grass and allowed myself to be enveloped by the world. You have to have the will to take that first step before you can do anything.

xx.a

Friday, February 3, 2012

double dare yourself: lose your potential

Everyone who grew up in the states has been dared to do something by their peers, older brother, or a schoolyard bully at some point in their lives.  Whether it was to kiss a girl on a warm, Spring afternoon or to touch your tongue to an icy, metal pole in the dead of winter, we have all been there and all felt the exhilaration torpedo up our spine and bolt down into our finger tips as we weigh the pros and cons of our situation.  It is that very magic that lies within the thrill of "What if?" that causes synapses in our brain to fire and our eyes to sparkle with possibilities. 

Some relish in this sensation, allowing the tingles to spread and empower them.  However, some fall victim to fear, trepidation and the inability to cope with the unknown.  Those who live in fear, act out of fear.  These fearful people are the people who never leave their home town, fight change, and tend to focus on human drama as opposed to humanity and beauty.  Those that cannot embrace adventure miss out on the very essence of life.  Admittedly, extreme sports and adrenaline rushes aren't for everyone, but these are not the defining factors of 'adventure'.  Adventure can be something as simple as stepping outside of your comfort zone: trying a new restaurant, choosing a new vacation spot, or even changing careers. 

So, if we do not allow ourselves to act out of fear- denying ourselves new experiences, ignoring inner desires, and allowing opportunity after opportunity to pass- then we must therefore choose (not by default) to act out of love.  This very act is a feat to be commended.  Now, this may not make perfect sense, but, as usual, my dear readers, I as that you have an open mind.  If you choose to act out of love in regards to adventure, then you are showing this strange, strange world that you do indeed love yourself and want to better yourself.  Never been to France?  Voila: Culture infused vacation... Double whammy.  Need further convincing?  Fair enough....

Around the time I established 'Year of the Yes' (YOTY), I started challenging myself, on occasion, to see if I had the desire and/or discipline to tackle certain tasks.  Exhibit A: Start a blog.  Bam.  Question: Whaaatchya reeeaaaadin'? It has been over a year and its heartbeat is stronger than ever (a big hug and kiss to every single on of you!) and the FBI hasn't squished me like a bug.  Yet.  Exhibit B: I live in Ecuador.  Yeah.  In July of 2011, I slapped down a credit card and said, "YOTY.  I dare me to see this through.  I will get certified and I will move abroad."  Check and check.  By the grace of the universe, and my catlike reflexes, I am still alive, still employed, and doing better than ever.  It takes constant effort and devotion to wanting to be happy and wanting to be better.
Not everything has to be a massive endeavor.  As I wrote this bad boy I challenged myself to memorize how to correctly spell 'endeavor'.  Turns out I already knew and just wasn't confident.  Success.  Some smaller challenges I have presented myself include, but are not limited to:
  • writing every single day for a week
  • not drinking alcohol for a week (usually in preparation for a week of drinking)
  • completing an entire to-do list
  • making a new friend
  • finish a book in one week
  • one random act of kindness per day for a month
  • live on a set budget for a month
I am proud to say that I have a pretty solid success rate when it comes to my self-imposed dares, though I have no intention of settling for said level of success.  I have every intention of striving for more and better.  I dare myself to.

It is important, friends, to remember not to come down on yourself should you not destroy your to-do list in a single afternoon or cannot recall the past tense conjugation for "I went" (me fui).  Relax.  Life is supposed to be fun.  Remember fun?  It is that thing we had back in the day when we played barefoot in the streets until the streetlights came on and we drank from the hose when we were thirsty.  (NOTE: Parents of young children: CALM DOWN.  Your child will not die if he stubs his big toe or if she eats a bug.  It's protein.)  Well, amigos, I suggest you start having some fun again, for Pete's sake.  Seriously, Pete wants you to.  He facebooked me.  I am pretty sure he tweeted it as well, however I refuse to get a Twitter, so I will leave that one a mystery. 

Challenge yourself.  Having a hard time brainstorming some awesome double dares?  Allow me.
  • Find a hilarious photo that doesn't involve cats and post in on your wall on fb.  Repeat every day for a week.  Then stop.  No, seriously, one week will suffice. 
  • Try a new lunch or dinner spot every day for a week.
  • Start being nicer.  A lot nicer.  Even to idiots.  You'll feel better, I promise. 
  • Make a list of things to clean out, then do it.  Car, wallet, junk drawer... 
  • Donate a bunch of old clothes to charity.  No, you don't need 27 puzzles and, no, nobody likes that olive green sweater you always wear. 
  • Give the dog a bath.  He's cuter when he doesn't smell like kibbles, bits, and shits. 
  • Start learning the language you have always wanted to.  Free apps, people... Zero excuses. 
There is a child in all of us- even you- and you can play off that child in order to better yourself.  Not feeling inspired?  Pick a new goal.  Still nothing?  Pull the ultimate trump card: Triple Dog Dare yourself.  Oh, snap. Nineties reference aside, I am making a serious argument: "I be you..." always entices.  Reward yourself if you make a goal into a reality.  Run 6 miles straight?  Congrats, you earned a massage!  Clean the house and both cars?  You've won a massive piece of chocolate cheesecake!  Promotion at work you finally asked for?  Johnny, show her those new pair of shoes!  (Excited, aren't you? Sucker.)  It, like most Hollywood stars, goes both ways.  Didn't stick to your Double Dare Diet?  Extra laps and sit ups, babe.  Didn't maintain your budget?  Yard work on Saturday.  Didn't study for finals, dude?  Thou shalt host family dinner and listen to Uncle Cletus play his nose whistle.  Eww.

We are all creatures of reward and punishment, be it paternalism (can't speed... cops will catch me...) or masochism (no cake... pants won't fit me...).  Some people respond more to avoiding conflict or punishment.  Some folks lust after the goods that make sacrifice a little easier.  I find, first off, that the more honest I am with you, my internet companions, the more accountable I hold myself.  Let's be honest, I don't want to feel like a dick.  So, in an effort to avoid being knighted with "Dickdom", I will level with you: I respond to both.  (Is anyone surprised?  No?  Yeah.)  Sometimes I gotta jiggle that fat to inspire passing on dessert, and sometimes I don't give half a damn.  Sometimes I reward myself with a vanilla cappuccino and a double-feature movie when I have had a productive and/or healthy week. 

Honestly, friends, it is whatever invigorates us.  Do not let your actions- or inaction- bring bring you to a point where you need not to be invigorated, but resurrected.  Newsflash: That's a tough party trick.  Ask Jesus.

You are awesome.  Whether you know it or not, you are, and the worst possession a person can have when they die is potential.  So, tell your potential to take a long walk off a short bridge.  Eat up that potential for breakfast.  You'll be amazed at all the accomplishments you'll manhandle over the next few months and all the potential you'll shed.  Your potential is weighing you down like the fat on the contestants of The Biggest Loser.  Don't make me strap on my sweatbands and make you cry on a treadmill... I'll do it. 

I dare you to lose your potential, one effort at a time.  Or ten at a time.  Whatever works for you.  Even if you have to start by daring yourself to dare yourself... Double damn do it.

I dare you.

xx.a