rain, rain, come when I say...

The rain is loved by some, hated by others. Either way you tend to lean it seems that there is no escaping that it refreshes and renews everything, washes clean the day to day madness and waste and allows a clearer view of the world upon ceasing.  It is considered, by some, to be a necessary evil- washing our cars, watering our lawns and gardens, cleaning our gutters- but in this world of instant gratification, society often wants what it wants, but when when they want it.  


We don't always want things when they are offered to us and can even be found proverbially stomping our feet when it is raining instead of the sun beating down on our skin.  Isn't this true of opportunities in our everyday life?  Perhaps the rain, so to speak, is offered to us to help us reset our points of view and our behavior.  Everyone needs a rest once in a while, to decline a social engagement and recharge their batteries, reconnecting with their loved ones at home, or even just yourself.  Why complain about the rain when you can take a deep breath and appreciate that maybe it is time to reconnect, recharge, or just put that to-do list in its place.  


The same can be said for a moment of weakness or sadness in life, even if unprovoked or elicited, just to allow yourself to settle and release anything negative from the week.  I don't think some people allow themselves the quite moments where the rain beats on the windows and there is silence.  Conversely, some people focus far too much on the torrential downpour they feel their life represents.  To those glass-half-empty people; knock it off. Life is tough, we all go through a tremendous amount of suffering, loss & tragedy in our lives.  Truth be told, some handle more than others, but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate the beautiful moments that bombard us daily!  Stop focusing on the negative, and find the silver lining. 

"Rain, rain, go away... Come again another day!" 


I think it beneficial to learn to appreciate the rain, for without it, we cannot appreciate the sun.  Just like we cannot appreciate those wonderful moments with our loved ones without time alone, and the reverse being just as true.  So when it rains, remember that it is feeding your gardens and lawns, which when it is sunny, you will play on and enjoy so much more, as they are green and healthy.  When your soul has a rainy day, remember that it is making you stronger and you are going to be twice as amazing the next day.  We should stop trying to control every aspect of our lives, allow some things to carry you to a new and wonderful place, then get back on your feet and forge an incredible path of your own.  


"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky." -Rabindranath Tagore 


xx.a

realism v. romanticism

We as individuals are forced to define ourselves on a daily basis: age, race, gender, socioeconomic status, vocation, ethnicity, religion, creed, sexual preference, political party... The list goes on and on.  As I have mentioned before, I consider myself to be a dichotomous person, and am often frustrated when it comes to labeling myself to ease someones discomfort and uncertainty.  I have been posed many questions in my years wandering this planet, some have been the easiest to answer, some remain unanswerable based on an inability to fully shove my thought process and belief system into a box someone else made 100 years ago.  The one question that has often puzzled me, yet I refuse to give up on, is as follows: 


Are you a Romantic or a Realist? 


I pride myself on having spent many moons in the depths of both lands.  I once resided so deep in the forest of Realism that I begin to wonder if I have lost my mind, much like the movie 'Inception', and had become cynical and jaded.  I basked in the unadulterated glory of the sun of Romanticism that I feared burning my retinas and never seeing clearly again.  I am pleased to report that I believe I survived both exposures, in spite of their duration and adverse effects on the ol' ticker.  


I decided to delve into each respective philosophy and figure out what it is that is keeping me awake at night and answer these questions: 


1.  Are the presentations of Realism & Romanticism skewed, respectively, and does this affect our perception of the philosophies? 
2.  Are they mutually exclusive? Mutually beneficial? 
3.  Can I be both? 



ro·man·ti·cism

       [roh-man-tuh-siz-uhm]

         –noun

1. Characterized by a heightened interest in nature, emphasis on the individuals expression of emotion and imagination, departure from the attitudes and forms of classicism, and rebellion

against established social rules and conventions.

re·al·ism

       [ree-uh-liz-uhm]

          –noun

1. Interest in/concern for the actual or real, as distinguished from the abstract, speculative, etc.

2. The tendency to view or represent things as they really are.
3. The doctrine that universals have a real objective existence.
4. The doctrine that objects of sense perception have an existence independent of the act of perception.

Romanticism is often classified as "unreasonable, irrational, unrealistic, fantasy" etc. I chose the above definition, after a fair amount of searching, because it is the least threatening to the spirit of the movement.  This definition is complimentary, whereas others, such as, "Not based on fact; imaginary or fictitious" denotes a complete lack of credibility and leaves little magnetism [cue: irony]. I see little to nothing wrong with allowing the poetry of life to enhance each of our respective lifetimes here on the third rock from the sun.  


Realism, conversely, denotes a purely logical approach to life.  Who wouldn't be a realist?  It's silly to live in La La Land like a Romantic.  Terms like "Really are" and "Actual" insinuate indirectly that Romanticism is ridiculous and should be left on stage at high school graduation.  Grow up, Amie. You cannot possibly be a romantic.  You have years and years of education, have been in the work force for over a decade and have had enough heartbreak to carry you through two lifetimes! 


Oh, but then there is that little line about "existence independent of perception".  Shit.  That actually makes sense.  Is that where the beauty- raw as it may be- of Realism lies?  How very He's Just Not That Into You... "Stop superimposing your self-developed ideals and fantasies into reality... It is what it is."  Oh, bite me. Life is far too short to be an extremist and even shorter when you consider that not one person on this bloody planet- experts of all sorts included- knows what in the blazes they are doing.  We are all stumbling through this life, even those who know infinitely more than the rest, and all we can do is love and learn every single day. That being said, since we don't know exactly what reality is, nor are we experts in perception or presentation of self, we most likely are screwing something up.  Oh, that's reality. 


Enter: Romanticism.  Realism says, "He didn't call, he's not into you."  Romanticism says, "He got busy... he's nervous...he's waiting 6 days like 'Swingers'..." Often times individuals- especially women, by gender role- tend to bury their heads in the [romantic] sand in hopes that Realism won't wander by and smack them upside the head. A crutch is unnecessary, ladies and gentlemen, just take a deep breath and one step forward at a time. We need balance in our lives, that is undeniable.  What is often forgotten is that the balance is respective to each individual person.  Male and female gender roles may play a part in generalities, but over all I find that the soul needs to be fed what it needs to be fed.  My soul needs both. 


Therefore I have composed two short letters to each respective movement, in hopes that one day, if I am a really good girl, Santa Clause will bring me what I wish for. 

Dear Realism,

Please help me to not get my hopes up and expect too much from people; both as a societal whole and as individuals in our relationships.  Please remind me daily that I need to work hard, as no one is going to give me what I want or take care of me for the rest of my life.  Please help me to see shit coming that I might normally be to head-in-the-clouds to foresee & the calmness to navigate the situation rationally.  Oh, and a decent 401k. 

Regards,

Amie 

And now, it's counterpart: 

Dearest, Sweet Romanticism... 

Please help me to travel the world (without breaking the bank, of course) and complete my bucket list before I am too old to read it.  Please help me to keep my girly figure (while not obsessing over every meal, of course) and have as little physical change over the next 40 years as possible. Please let me live without regret (while learning from my mistakes, of course) and keep all of my friends (while making new ones, of course) close and loved.  Most importantly, please help me to find someone to fall deeply in love with someone who I can be myself with (who has the same goals/core beliefs, of course) to share my life with. Please let them be kind, caring, considerate, trustworthy, honest, loving, compassionate, generous, hopeful, smart and driven (but modest, of course).  Please let that person appreciate me, life & all the blessings around them (without being too soft, of course). Please let every day be an adventure, let each night be a celebration of sorts and let each beautiful moment be appreciated.  

All my love and gratitude, 

Amie Ann 

Satire aside, I don't see anything wrong with allowing the soul to reside in both categories.  We all go through stages in our lives and shouldn't we allow ourselves to adjust our personal philosophies as we adjust our diets, musical tastes and views on the world?  Call me a "Romantic Realist", if you must, but I have come to the official decision that I am both.  I am a Realist in that I know that Murphy's Law is a very real thing, that relationships take equal effort on both parts & that I can no longer eat a cheeseburger and not work out.  I am a Romantic in that if I put enough good energy out there that I might actually catch a break, that I will find someone to be weird with for the rest of my life & that I will still eat a cheeseburger, but skipping the escalator in favor of the stairs will make a difference.  I feel like I have found my balance (or as close as I can come to it at this point in my life) with the star crossed lovers... Yes, Realism can exist without the immediate effects of Romanticism, and vice versa, however would anyone really want them to?  They need not be mutually exclusive, though.  I am sure, dear reader, that you are thinking to yourself, "Shit, I forgot my coffee on the counter!" But after that you are assuring yourself, "This is the Romantic in Amie, believing Romanticism & Realism can co-exist in someone peacefully".  Sorry to disappoint, but even the Realist in me knows that if you focus on the strengths of each entity, you can become a stronger, better and more passionate version of yourself!  Figure out which version of yourself- the Romantic or the Realist- is better with each respective situation (relationships, work, adventure, etc.) and let them take the reigns. Of course, it never hurts to let the other do a little backseat driving.... 

I hope for the best, but prepare for the worst... I vow to myself to make the best of everything.

"Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else."  -Hob Broun

"There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle."  -Albert Einstein

xx.a