the ties that bind us

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.  

-George Bernard Shaw

No one is perfect, it has been said, however I think that in our imperfections, we become perfect.  I am exactly how I should be. Yes, I am loud when I drink, I laugh like a total nerd, I bend over backwards for too many people too often, I border on naive in my faith in people, I am impulsive & I get my hopes up far too easily.  But that is a big part of what makes me Amie.  Love it, hate it, don't understand it... It's still a fantastic dynamic.  In this day, we can genetically design our babies before they're conceived, cross-breed dogs to create a desirable breed others cannot afford and select complete strangers off of a roster online to see if they are good enough to be a business partner ::ahem:: I mean, mate, for our ridiculous lives.  It fails to surprise me, then, that we nitpick our friends, families and lovers til their souls die enough and they become shells of their former selves.  Our actions tell them, Fit into my mold!  Some try. Some leave. Where is the middle ground?  Is even the middle ground healthy? 

Treat your family like friends and your friends like family.  -Proverb

If we are able to [finally] break up with the significant others who break our hearts and cut out our friends that drag us down; why cannot we also exorcise those family members that are toxic to our very souls?  Every girl has had the mother or girlfriend who has said to them after the 500th fight with their boyfriend, "Honey, enough is enough. It shouldn't be this hard..." Where is the friend or lover standing by to tell us, "Dude, you don't have to put up with this, even if they are family"?  Admittedly, there are countless varying degrees of dysfunctional, and each individual needs to be the judge as to what level of dysfunctional is the straw that breaks the camel's back.  For me, it is when someone becomes so toxic, that there is just no moving forward.  It becomes an ugly tango where moving on and making peace is not an option in their mind.  Love, forgiveness and willingness to better themselves and the relationship are a must.  I also believe, above all the aforementioned things, that humbleness need overtake pride. Try to not only sympathize with your family, but empathize with them.  Seek first to understand, then be understood.  Know your own weaknesses, admit them, be humble & get over this damned pride that stunts our emotional and spiritual growth.  If you are allowing pride and its disastrous counterparts (stubbornness, apathy, malice, vengeance, bitterness, immaturity) to prevent a remedied relationship, then you are dooming it on your own terms.  

They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers.  -David Assael

We can pick our friends, we can pick our nose, but we cannot pick our friends' nose.  We also cannot pick our family.  I know that there are some friends in my life that have become my family, and I cannot imagine my life without them.  We put up with more from people because they are family, and that is understandable.  But when we realize they don't want to better the relationship and they want their own world to be the sole existence, do you put your hands up and concede them their wants?  Not because it's too hard, but because they will be genuinely happier?   It's hard to explain and fix a lifetime of hurt, especially if it is ill-perceived or even misconceived. As I have grown up I have learned many, many things... My parents are not infallible, Santa Claus is a necessary lie, laughter keeps you young, absolutes are anything but, one person's trash is, in fact, anothers treasure & relationships are hard: regardless of what type.  The hardest lesson I have learned, taking me 27 years to do so, was that just because your blood runs in the veins of another, doesn't mean you are connected, no matter how badly you want it.  If you love something, set it free... 


Family will always quarrel, they will always love hard, they will always fall upon each other in hard times.  One thing there should never be is hate.  Hate is the ugliest of words because it is the ugliest of emotions.  We have an estranged uncle on my mother's side, whom, due to excessive drug abuse, has done unthinkable things to my family.  We don't speak with him, and though he is dying of awful diseases brought on by said drug abuse & reckless lifestyle  choices, I cannot bring myself to hate him. I pity him and his cowardly approach to life. I am saddened that his lack of priorities has left his young daughter without a proper direction, pregnant & likely to repeat his mistakes.  I feel remorse that he wasn't able to be helped, though Lord knows my family tried.    I don't hate him.  I blame him, I don't trust him, I ache for the sadness my mother felt early in their relationship's demise.  Hate should never be a family word.  Hate denotes malevolence & apathy at the same time: if you hate me, and I were to pass on, you would either not care or be glad this world is rid of me.  These definitions are non-negotiable.  People cannot simply determine after these words are uttered that their meanings are different than that of the rest of society.  Pick another word, stop and feel your emotions and take the time to find the appropriate description before you slap labels and make your feelings clear & absolute.  Some things cannot be unsaid, some things cannot be undone & some things cannot be fixed.  


Family is about acceptance and unconditional love: If these ridiculous, completely different individuals can all love and accept each other, why can't we?  

Life is short: Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, create something, be good to one another, break the rules, take chances & don't trample on others' hearts. 

xx.a