young & restless: grey matter turns to gold

In this society of instant gratification, the majority of us are impatient, demanding & spoiled.  Be it by the technology we are addicted to, the speed at which news (whether it is juicy gossip or that stuff that happens to people and countries and... stuff) travels, or the easily developed (and just as easily terminated) relationships we are involved in or witness to.  If my iPhone 4 takes more than a few seconds to load my facebook feed, I find myself letting out a sigh and tapping my fingers on the back of my overpriced phone. 

Not sure if you are restless and spoiled?  Ask yourself these questions:

-If my significant other takes over 2 minutes to respond to my text, do I resend? Twice? 
-If someone else knows about Britney's newest break-up before me, am I jealous? 
-If my significant other pisses me off, am I quick to tweet they're a douche & dump them?
-If my dinner takes more than 15 minutes to make, do I pop in a frozen dinner?


That all seems a bit on the negative side, though.  In fact, it doesn't even really seem like those are symptoms of restlessness... they more lean towards spoiled. I decided to ask a few people whose opinions truly matter, those that often have surprising insight.  (Here I must admit, it shouldn't be surprising after the months and years that I have known them, and for that I admit I am fortunate to know them and thank them for being them!)


A good friend of mine, when asked by me his take on restlessness, stated simply & truthfully, "Restlessness seems to be a form of inspiration to you in general, you should always remain restless!"  I like to think of myself as a relatively perceptive person when it comes to myself, though I will admit that my focus remains on others and their habits, but this stopped me in my immersed and focused tracks.  This is absolutely true! Being restless does not necessarily mean one is unhappy with their current circumstances, just that they are in need of enriching their lives even more.  


There is so much grey area with every topic nowadays: We are not limited to 'liberal' & 'conservative', we have 'moderate', amongst others. We are not limited to 'straight' & 'gay', we have 'bi', amongst others.  We are not limited to 'happy' & 'sad', we have countless emotionally-based adjectives.  The same can be said for the types of restlessness we encounter.   


I asked one of my dearest & most insightful friends his take on restlessness, doing my best not to try and predict his response. He stated, "Restlessness only occurs when you're waiting for something; so focus on the journey to attaining what you're wanting/waiting for. It's a positive sign, it's noble & worthy".  Another positive response from such a great mind.  I started thinking about how I am actually feeling when asked, "How are you?" and I respond, "Well, but restless..." I am in fact sans negative feelings.  I am quite happy, content even, with where I am in my life.  But am I satisfied?  Hell no.  Therein lies the difference, the definitive understanding muddled in all this grey matter: Being restless means I am wanting more, wanting to better myself, not settle for what I am currently experiencing... But that does not mean that I am ungrateful for that which fills the days of my life at this current time.  


Word of warning: We must be careful not to confuse the restlessness with boredom, apathy, frustration or indecisiveness!  Boredom is your own failure to recognize potential in your day & yourself.  Apathy is merely ungratefulness & laziness and, to quote a classic, the glove into which evil slips its hand (ok, Van Wilder isn't a classic per se, but it might be... one day...).  Frustration is, again, the failure to take advantage of potential, but also stifling yourself on a half dozen different levels!  The greatest of all these sins is indecisiveness.  It is the best way to lose a fantastic opportunity, the worst way to show someone that they are not a priority in your life, and a ridiculous way to live- allowing time and opportunities pass you by as though they are a renewable resource.  Restlessness does not embody any of these, and recognizing that is the first step to identifying your source of restlessness.  Those who confuse their restlessness with these or any other negative emotion are not connected with their true self, nor their emotions.  I hope this encourages us all to reevaluate our current situations and our honest levels of contentment and progress.  I look forward to this part of my journey... and remaining restless. 


Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure. -Thomas Edison


xx.a

the ties that bind us

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.  

-George Bernard Shaw

No one is perfect, it has been said, however I think that in our imperfections, we become perfect.  I am exactly how I should be. Yes, I am loud when I drink, I laugh like a total nerd, I bend over backwards for too many people too often, I border on naive in my faith in people, I am impulsive & I get my hopes up far too easily.  But that is a big part of what makes me Amie.  Love it, hate it, don't understand it... It's still a fantastic dynamic.  In this day, we can genetically design our babies before they're conceived, cross-breed dogs to create a desirable breed others cannot afford and select complete strangers off of a roster online to see if they are good enough to be a business partner ::ahem:: I mean, mate, for our ridiculous lives.  It fails to surprise me, then, that we nitpick our friends, families and lovers til their souls die enough and they become shells of their former selves.  Our actions tell them, Fit into my mold!  Some try. Some leave. Where is the middle ground?  Is even the middle ground healthy? 

Treat your family like friends and your friends like family.  -Proverb

If we are able to [finally] break up with the significant others who break our hearts and cut out our friends that drag us down; why cannot we also exorcise those family members that are toxic to our very souls?  Every girl has had the mother or girlfriend who has said to them after the 500th fight with their boyfriend, "Honey, enough is enough. It shouldn't be this hard..." Where is the friend or lover standing by to tell us, "Dude, you don't have to put up with this, even if they are family"?  Admittedly, there are countless varying degrees of dysfunctional, and each individual needs to be the judge as to what level of dysfunctional is the straw that breaks the camel's back.  For me, it is when someone becomes so toxic, that there is just no moving forward.  It becomes an ugly tango where moving on and making peace is not an option in their mind.  Love, forgiveness and willingness to better themselves and the relationship are a must.  I also believe, above all the aforementioned things, that humbleness need overtake pride. Try to not only sympathize with your family, but empathize with them.  Seek first to understand, then be understood.  Know your own weaknesses, admit them, be humble & get over this damned pride that stunts our emotional and spiritual growth.  If you are allowing pride and its disastrous counterparts (stubbornness, apathy, malice, vengeance, bitterness, immaturity) to prevent a remedied relationship, then you are dooming it on your own terms.  

They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers.  -David Assael

We can pick our friends, we can pick our nose, but we cannot pick our friends' nose.  We also cannot pick our family.  I know that there are some friends in my life that have become my family, and I cannot imagine my life without them.  We put up with more from people because they are family, and that is understandable.  But when we realize they don't want to better the relationship and they want their own world to be the sole existence, do you put your hands up and concede them their wants?  Not because it's too hard, but because they will be genuinely happier?   It's hard to explain and fix a lifetime of hurt, especially if it is ill-perceived or even misconceived. As I have grown up I have learned many, many things... My parents are not infallible, Santa Claus is a necessary lie, laughter keeps you young, absolutes are anything but, one person's trash is, in fact, anothers treasure & relationships are hard: regardless of what type.  The hardest lesson I have learned, taking me 27 years to do so, was that just because your blood runs in the veins of another, doesn't mean you are connected, no matter how badly you want it.  If you love something, set it free... 


Family will always quarrel, they will always love hard, they will always fall upon each other in hard times.  One thing there should never be is hate.  Hate is the ugliest of words because it is the ugliest of emotions.  We have an estranged uncle on my mother's side, whom, due to excessive drug abuse, has done unthinkable things to my family.  We don't speak with him, and though he is dying of awful diseases brought on by said drug abuse & reckless lifestyle  choices, I cannot bring myself to hate him. I pity him and his cowardly approach to life. I am saddened that his lack of priorities has left his young daughter without a proper direction, pregnant & likely to repeat his mistakes.  I feel remorse that he wasn't able to be helped, though Lord knows my family tried.    I don't hate him.  I blame him, I don't trust him, I ache for the sadness my mother felt early in their relationship's demise.  Hate should never be a family word.  Hate denotes malevolence & apathy at the same time: if you hate me, and I were to pass on, you would either not care or be glad this world is rid of me.  These definitions are non-negotiable.  People cannot simply determine after these words are uttered that their meanings are different than that of the rest of society.  Pick another word, stop and feel your emotions and take the time to find the appropriate description before you slap labels and make your feelings clear & absolute.  Some things cannot be unsaid, some things cannot be undone & some things cannot be fixed.  


Family is about acceptance and unconditional love: If these ridiculous, completely different individuals can all love and accept each other, why can't we?  

Life is short: Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, create something, be good to one another, break the rules, take chances & don't trample on others' hearts. 

xx.a

twenty.seven

Tomorrow I will have been on this earth for twenty-seven years. Twenty. Seven.


Didn't I just turn 25 and have my 'Quarter Life Crisis'?  Was that even a crisis?  I was more tripping out about where my life was, I think.  For those of you who know me, 26 was a cluster-ball-buster, and, though I would rather wipe it from the books completely, there was so much outside drama happening I was unable to process anything internally.


What have I accomplished?
How far have I come?
Who am I?


Add about a dozen more questions, the last being; "By whose standards?"

Here are some things that others accomplished at the age of 27: 

-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. dropped out from his job at General Electric to become a full-time writer.

-Henry David Thoreau went off for two years to live alone in a cabin at Walden Pond.

-Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first person in space.

-Memphis millionaire Frederic W. Smith founded Federal Express.

-Scottish botanist David Douglas discovered the Douglas fir.

-Ernest Hemingway published his first novel, The Sun Also Rises.

-Boston dentist William Morton pioneered modern anaesthesiology after learning that inhalation of ether will cause a loss of consciousness.

-Conceptual artist Piero Manzoni crapped in 90 small cans which were then factory sealed and offered for sale at the price of gold.

 Even the conceptual artist did something worth mentioning!  It's not as if I haven't accomplished anything, I know I have lived leaps and bounds beyond many people my age, and even some twice my age, but it leaves me wondering... Does it matter, and if it does, do I give a half a damn? What do I care if someone my age owns a condo and has been at the same job for 5 years? I lived in Europe, shot with some of the most revered photographers in the world, met countless fascinating people and kissed the stars. Take that, Manzoni! 


I have discovered that judging oneself requires a certain sense of consideration of the surroundings.  For example, you can own a 2500 sq. ft. home in the south for under $200k... or you can own a condo at 1/3 the size for 3x the price in Los Angeles.  Those of us living in major metropolitan areas shouldn't be judged against the same standards as those living in the burbs, there is no circumstantial level playing field. I feel the same is true for most circumstances, even one's career choice alters completely the standards by which they are judged.  In the advertising industry, no one- literally- gets married before they are 35.  Women in the South go to college to obtain their MRS degree.  (Can't take credit for the marriage joke, but it's my favorite.)  I think it's safe to say that judging where a life is based on age is pretty much approaching pointless.  Aside from having a job, not living in your parents' basement while playing LAN games all day with guys wearing PacMan shirts, there isn't much else one can ask of an individual.  Live your life, that's all one can do. If you're not busy living, you're busy dying. 


At 26 years and 364 days old/young, I can honestly say that even though I don't own a home, have a solid savings account, a husband, kids or a solid career path like my grandfather before me, I cannot help but feel accomplished and happy.  Yes, I have work to do and things to change, but overall this short, wild ride we call life is not going to be reviewed by the Accomplishment Gods on a checklist-style grading curve.  If anything, it will be how full our hearts are, how exciting our stories are and our battle scars- those acquired and self-inflicted.  I love every one of mine. 


The souls we lost at 27- Pope John XII, artist Jean-Michel Basquiat, athlete/soldier Patrick Tillman, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and James Morrison- goes to show that there is no set standard or guarantee of "one day"...  Perhaps my "Holy shit, I'm 28..." blog entry will bode boasting of my survival, and that of legendary stories.  Cheers to old age.  xx.a