illegal block: get around and sell a dress

Writer's block.  Building blocks.  New Kids on the Block.  Jenny from The Block.

I have experience with all of these, but there is one more block that trips me up: Blockage.

Blockage is when you know you need to do something and you not only feel within you a great desire to avoid something.  Now, this differs from not wanting to do laundry or write a paper.  Those are task that few souls enjoy and it's obvious as to why they would be avoided.  Blockage refers to the tasks that aren't that heavy or laden with negativity, but your psyche or subconscious are strongly adverse to completing.

Let's get personal.  About 4 years ago I let someone put a ring on my finger... I won't say I shouldn't have or that I regret it because it was part of a path that lead me here and I am one happy little lady... However, I will say that we were definitely not meant to be together.  I won't presume to speak for him, but I know I wish him well and learned a lot.  Now, during this whole proposal, I did what every bride-to-be does and planned a wedding.  I even found "The Perfect Dress" (Yes, that's a link to see it.  I need my reader emotionally involved!).  Yeah, well now this "perfect dress" has been hanging in my closet (on two sides of this country, nonetheless) for over 3 years and it's time to say goodbye.  I have changed, my body has changed, my heart has changed... and even though the dress is gorgeous and in perfect condition, I can't seem to wrap my head around putting it on and strolling down the isle to... anyone.  Time to sell.  Time to sell... tomorrow.  Oh, or Thursday after I have coffee with Amanda.  Well, Friday I want to finish painting that multimedia piece... Whoa.  Wait, why the hell am I making excuses?  I need that money to finish my schooling, which will propel me into a place I have wanted to be for a decade.  I need to not have a reminder of the past and an unhealthy relationship hanging next to my favorite blazer.  Why then, self, are you not throwing that bad boy on a billboard and laughing all the way to the bank?  

Simple.  We cannot just sell shit and not deal with the issue.  We know, in our core of cores, that when we sell the perfect dress, update the dreaded résumé, or finally catch up with someone we have been 'meaning to call' that we are, in fact, addressing an issue... Whether we want to or not.  Updating your résumé means you have to think about your future, explain your past, justify your actions, and put yourself out there.  It's change.  Catching up with someone (the relationship determines a lot, here) means you have to figure out why you weren't spending more time together or chatting, explain yourself, possibly apologize, and update another person about your Pinterest projects or listen to their potty training stories.  

Selling my former would-be wedding dress was a little different.  You would think it would be difficult because it was saying "goodbye" to him, our former would-be future, etc... However, it was more about the value of the dress.  My ex and I have no unfinished business, but I do value that dress because it was a beautiful time in my life and I hold it at a value where money doesn't touch it.  However, since I cannot buy a plane ticket with emotions and I don't need an expensive dress I can't wear anywhere to remind me of the lessons I have learned, out she goes.  

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. 
-Wayne Dyer 

You have to want to move past these issues.  It's like working out; you dread going to the gym and have a thousand excuses, however while you are working out you can actually feel the improvement in your mindset, you become proud of yourself, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  Afterwards, you feel fantastic and you see a change (just go with me on that one...).  

Remember when I challenged you? (If not, click on it and read it.  I double dare you...) Well, consider this challenge numero dos.  

Write down a 'To Do' list.  List everything from household chores to errands to things you have been meaning to do.  Then highlight the really specific ones you aren't looking forward to doing.   That in itself is a huge step... Give yourself a cookie.  Just one, dude...  

Now, turn your paper over and write why each one is something you aren't looking forward to doing.  This is facing your blocks.  Now, look at yourself in the mirror and yell and wave the paper around a lot... "What? It's COLD?! You don't want to run because it's a little chilly?  Pansy*!"  Then, realize that all that wasn't necessary, but sometimes you have to change where you are sitting to see something from another angle.  Ask yourself, "Why is this so difficult for me?  Why am I putting it off?" 

If you can't get over it, get around it.

*Note: Anyone who knows me knows I have much more... colorful language skills.  I will allow you to adjust for your own level of comfort.  Go to where you are comfortable, and then turn it up 3 notches.  Yeah, scare yourself with foul language.  

Challenge yourself, people!  You are the product of a bajillion years of evolution... Act like it.  

I listed my dress, I updated my résumé, I went outside while it was cold, I waved my paper and yelled in the mirror, I even wrote a few notes to send love and catch up to some folks from days-gone-by as a gesture to you, my readers.  I cannot, in good faith, ask you to do something I have not or will not.  Now, someone buy my wedding dress, please. 

If there is no struggle, there is no progress.  -Frederick Douglass 

xx.a

dynamics of goodbye

Goodbye.  It's not such an awful word... There are more appealing versions of it: farewell, ciao, so long, until we meet again...  I understand that the notion of goodbye is tough on some people, and for good reason, but I think that goodbye has become an egocentric notion that does not allow for the individual leaving to make the best of their situation.  I prefer to meet goodbyes with a positive mindset:  


May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand. -Irish Blessing


In other words, "Thanks for being a part of this chapter of my life".  Recent events have lead me to finally pursue my dream of teaching English abroad, and my friends and family are handling it... differently.  That is literally the only word that accurately describes the group and individual efforts of those that reside in my life.  Some of my nearest and dearest friends have rallied behind me in a united effort; offering to help with costs of certification, help me study, help teach me Spanish... You name it.  Some friends have retreated behind the front line in an effort to avoid being wounded in battle.  It wouldn't bother me so much if these individuals communicated with me, but I suppose that is asking too much.  


It is so difficult to walk away from people you love, and I would know, as I have done it more than anyone I know.  (In my defense, I wasn't running away from anything or anyone, it was all for higher education, career moves, etc.)  However, if approached from the right perspective and emotional base, it can also be a character-building experience.  Sometimes you have a choice in walking away, such as I do, and you just have to hope that those around you support you and send you off with love and well-wishes.  Sometimes, you are pinned to the wall and don't have an inch to breathe.  It is then that you hope your loved ones will rally, open their arms and hearts, and make the best of the situation in an effort to ease the pain and stress of your departure.  People who shut down, run away, or become a shadow of their former selves are often the ones that hurt the most: hurting themselves and hurting those leaving.  

Try to remember that leaving is the closing of one chapter, but it is also the beginning of a fresh and beautiful chapter for your loved one.  Be open minded, share your self, and hope for the best for everyone.  Some things have to fall apart for others to come together... That is the beautiful dichotomy of life.  You cannot fall in love with your soulmate if you are in a relationship with someone else


Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. -Dr. Seuss 


This blog was initially about my departure, but life has a funny way of mixing things up... 


To my second family:  You will always be blood.  You will always live in my heart.  You will always be Mamma K, Oh Daddy Pappa K, Tuta Taquito, Kiwi Wiggle Beans... Of course, KyKy, too.  Lucky's bark will almost be missed, but her spirit and beer drinking abilities will be.  You compose half my stories, millions of inside jokes, the best memories, and I am who I am because you were here.  I cannot thank you enough for everything you have ever done for me, nor all that you have given me.  You are the true definition of family.  Thank you for loving me.


To tequila out the eye.
To Ray Charles in log cabins.
To only if you'll take me.
To crash. 
To wedding dresses.
To nerd glasses. 
To writing on the family room floor. 
To Laguna Beach. 
To limo rides to Vegas.
To falling up escalators. 
To the Oh Daddy dance. 
To Mexico.
To pole dancing. 
To songs for everything. 
To pot smoking lesbian lovers.
To Coors Light. 
To drunken chair racing. 
To drunken cooler racing.
To guitars and Maaammmmmma Kriiisitiii.
To Kevin and Art are lovers.
To Paprika. 
To Sunday Funday. 
To Angels baseball in the garage.
To being a lady.
To cutting someone.  Twice. 
To buttery nipples. 
To SoCo... but don't tell.
To half pints.
To garage time.
To brown on top, red on the bottom.
To HGTV & DIY junkies.
To mimosas.
To potato/tomato/cake.
To soccer.
To bang the drum. 
To drunk dogs. 
To LYMI 
To I'd do it myself but I don't have thuuuumbs.
To build me up, buttercup.
To stfu.
To family.
To the people who changed my life for the better.  You are irreplaceable. 

xx.a