Monday, June 13, 2011

my lack of filter does not justify yours

I initially intended to avoid this subject in this blog for a multitude of reasons, however I was naive in believing that this subject did not merit being addressed publicly.  This is not gay propaganda, nor is it bashing any particular group.  Please read this and take an honest look at yourself... Am I talking about you?  Even a little bit?  Even if I don't know you?


For those who are close to me, you know I am a very open person and will talk to anyone about anything, assuming respect and good taste are present.  Well, assuming makes an ass, as we all know.  I thought that we, as a society, were beyond the slurs, terms of degradation, and judgement without reason.  I thought that people were actually starting to accept people for who they are- nurture and nature.  I thought that, as individualistic as this country is, it would be uncommon and unnatural to pigeonhole persons based on a lifestyle choice (or non-choice), ethnicity, body type, or any other non non-sequitur when it comes to knowing another human being.  I thought that people could actually look at others and say, "This is who they are, I choose to love them".  I thought wrong. I assumed.  I'm an ass. 


Why was I naive enough to let go of the notion that people have their own agendas?  Better an ass than an asshole, I believe.  I understand that I am not without fault, however I do pride myself on accepting people for who they are.  My sister is a perfect example: she and I are very different people with different lifestyles and we do not always see eye-to-eye.  However, I know who she is on the most basic level, and would not try and change her.  On the more complicated levels, her choices may differ from mine, but I do not see them as wrong because we differ.  I see them as hers, and as long as she is alive, happy & not wasting her life away doing something self-deprecating -or not doing anything at all- then I choose to support her.  (For the record, she just landed a huge career opportunity and I am very proud of her.) 


Enough walking on eggshells.  I am proud of who I am, I was born this way, and I love me.  Not like... LOVE.  I am a product of nature and nurture.  I can look at humans without a filter, and though I feel I was born with this ability, I have worked hard to hone this ability over the last ten years.  I love people.  Not men.  Not women.  People.  I love to love people for who they are in their soul- regardless of their gender.  I see people without judging them or judging myself for caring about them.  You like what you like, you love who you love, & you are who you are... You can always better yourself, but you cannot change who you innately are.  If I choose to bring a man to introduce to my loved ones, I am asked the following questions: 
"How old is he?" 
"What does he do for a living?" 
"How'd you two meet?" 


However, if I were to bring a woman, under the same circumstances, the questions & statements differ tremendously: 

"Guess you've never had sex with a real man."
"How do you have sex?" 
"Can I watch/join you?"


Seriously?  I'd put some serious money on the notion that just reading those questions made some of my readers uncomfortable; now imagine hearing them out loud and in front of the person you brought, assuring them acceptance was just a click away.  I see where people might be inquisitive, not being a part of that world, and that is absolutely fine, but it all comes down to respect.  Ask if you can talk to me about it, don't just offer your penis up on a plate; I am pretty sure I can find one on my own, thanks.  Also, just because a woman can be attracted to another woman, does not mean the following: 


1. She is attracted to every single woman. 
2. She has no standards in her selection process. 
3. She will have sex with any man.
4. She is down to have sex with you and your girlfriend/friend/buddy/dog/homeless guy. 
5. She is a toy, play thing, piece of meat, or non-human. 
6. She has "Daddy Issues".


That being said, I have none of the above in my little black book: I'm a lady.  Though I pride myself on not being like other girls in many ways, you still have to talk to me with the same respect you would a normal girl... Scratch that.  I want more respect.  I don't lie, cheat, steal, or play games, and I put it all on the table.  If every conversation we have turns sexual or to my experience and dating history (usually focused on women, because men are simple creatures) then you will shortly find our conversations will dwindle quickly to non-existent.  There is so much more to me than that, and if you cannot see that, or don't care to explore that side of me, you will never explore the side of me you are showing obsessive tendencies toward.  Treating a woman- or anyone, for that matter- like a science experiment or social abnormality is uncharacteristically crude, even in this desensitized world we live in.  We clear?  Use your filter, have some respect & remember that people who live differently- be it sexuality, religion, or otherwise- does not make them subhuman and something for you to dissect at your own discretion.  You cannot put me into a box, you cannot force me to label myself or my core feelings, nor can you force me to be anything but a happy, free individual.  
Proud to be me.  No labels. 
For the first time in my life, I have experienced serious judgement from loved ones in my life, simply because of my lack of filter, as I like to call it.  They call it my "sexual choice".  Newsflash: I didn't get a say.  It'd be so much easier to just know, as some people do, that there is only one choice.  The entity that is "me" knows that there is no obvious choice.  When I find that person, I will know it is the right one for me to be with... I don't give a half a damn which department they shop in.  Why wouldn't you want someone in your life- friend, family, coworker- to be happy?  Misery loves company?  Since I was about 12 or 13, I can remember being as fascinated by the female form as the male form.  At my 16th birthday party, a good friend of mine and I decided to kiss.  Admittedly, it was exciting (and she was a good kisser) but I wasn't dying to date her or vying for her attention afterwards.  We just stayed friends, and it worked.  It also didn't feel unnatural.  That doesn't mean you can objectify me now, nor does it mean I am better than you, nor you than I. 


The most painful of all the things I have experienced in my life- from high school horrors of being attacked in every way for being a published model to having my figure criticized by complete strangers to losing loved ones- the most excruciating is the rejection from someone you admire.  I have had men I was being courted by drop me upon finding out I have been involved with women.  I have had many, many men spout out the three aforementioned questions, and then ad-lib a myriad or other moronic statements.  The day that stopped me in my tracks, was the day a close friend's mother informed me that I was the problem.  This coming from a supposed 'Gay Rights Activist' and 'lover of the arts'.  To this day, when our paths cross, she refuses to address me, even when I have shown her nothing but respect, mature demeanor, and given zero reasons for her to have any distaste.  Obviously, I have lost a massive amount of respect for her, but it still kills me that she just doesn't understand me, my lifestyle (whatever that means), or anything about the variety of personalities encompassed within whatever community he thinks I am a part of.  There are so many types of people out there: malicious, altruistic, artistic, selfish, brilliant- the same is true in every race, sexuality, gender, ethnicity, religion and so on.  Like what you like, but keep an open mind and use your damn filter.  All people have feelings, not just straight ones. 


I'd like to introduce my audience to something called NOH8.  The NOH8 Campaign is a photographic silent protest created by celebrity photographer Adam Bouska and partner Jeff Parshley.  It initially was in direct response to Prop 8 in California, however it has become a wide-standing statement against hate in general, especially towards the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender) community. Take a minute and check it out, if you haven't already.  
Courtesy NOH8
I am not asking you to make a public statement supporting anything, I am merely asking you to take a moment to consider that your preconceived notions, snap judgements, or even learned behaviors could be wrong, hurtful, & damaging to the relationships you have in your life.  "Not In My Backyard" and "Don't Ask Don't Tell" don't fly anymore, folks.  If you were unaware, we are officially in the Civil Rights movements of the newer millennium.  The 1960's showed tremendous change in how African Americans were treated in America (which took too damn long) and I would like the 2010's to show incredible advancement in the acceptance of LGBT individuals- not tolerance.  

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when people are afraid of the light. -Plato

Thanks to all of you who love me and the people in your life unconditionally.  xx.a

4 comments:

  1. I love this post Amie. You are a beautiful person, your post just helped me see how beautiful you really are. I also feel bad for all that you have gone through. :( No one should be treated in that manner regardless of how they choose to live their life.

    I support you 100% and then some. xxJanalin

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's post like these that make me feel sad for my friends that are going through this struggle; as well as myself, and the world that has yet to learn to accept people for who they are and the things they can not change. Unfortunately, those are the types of questions people ask, they do think it's a choice, and some people choose to be self-righteous ass holes about it.

    It's also posts like this that make me happy that i have been able to find a person in my life that is willing to say what needs to be said! More power to ya hunny! Live your life to make yourself happy and damn the rest; it's their problem not yours. And while being judged does hurt, that's when you know it's time to kick them out of your life.

    if you ever need someone to lean on, talk to, or just blow some steam off with, I'm there for you.

    xoxoxox
    Mandy

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are incredibly strong and I admire you so much. You seem so happy and free and you don't care what people think. You are the most beautiful person inside and out. You are an intelligent, gorgeous, optimistic person. I wish i was more like you. I'm jealous of you. I'm attracted to women, but I'm scared of what others might think. So I keep it a secret till I'm comfortable to express it. I'm attracted to you and always have been. You and I were acquaintances a long time ago and attended the same church for a while.. I wish we were friends now. You inspire me. Thank you for sharing this. love ya lady!

    ReplyDelete
  4. To Anonymous:

    Your first step was posting on this blog. Well done. Writing it down helps, seeing is believing. Your next step is saying i out loud when you are alone. You will start to be less and less shocked at the sound of your voice saying those words. That is often times the most terrifying thing for someone who hasn't "come out" is to hear themselves admit it, even more than their concern about what others will think. After a while, start saying it to your pets, if you need to, that was it is slowly coming out of you, as opposed to spontaneous combustion in front of every person in your family.

    As for me, though I don't know who you are, I am flattered that you found me attractive. I hope that you use this inspiration to find it within yourself to be who you really are. There is a lot of talk about God and his feelings on homosexuality (of any level) and I am currently doing research to discuss whether or not there is any PROVEN "wiggle room" on the translations and/or wording from the original writings. Look for that post in the future. Good luck with your journey, and feel free to come to me anytime if you need help.

    Cheers xx.a

    ReplyDelete