the ties that bind us

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.  

-George Bernard Shaw

No one is perfect, it has been said, however I think that in our imperfections, we become perfect.  I am exactly how I should be. Yes, I am loud when I drink, I laugh like a total nerd, I bend over backwards for too many people too often, I border on naive in my faith in people, I am impulsive & I get my hopes up far too easily.  But that is a big part of what makes me Amie.  Love it, hate it, don't understand it... It's still a fantastic dynamic.  In this day, we can genetically design our babies before they're conceived, cross-breed dogs to create a desirable breed others cannot afford and select complete strangers off of a roster online to see if they are good enough to be a business partner ::ahem:: I mean, mate, for our ridiculous lives.  It fails to surprise me, then, that we nitpick our friends, families and lovers til their souls die enough and they become shells of their former selves.  Our actions tell them, Fit into my mold!  Some try. Some leave. Where is the middle ground?  Is even the middle ground healthy? 

Treat your family like friends and your friends like family.  -Proverb

If we are able to [finally] break up with the significant others who break our hearts and cut out our friends that drag us down; why cannot we also exorcise those family members that are toxic to our very souls?  Every girl has had the mother or girlfriend who has said to them after the 500th fight with their boyfriend, "Honey, enough is enough. It shouldn't be this hard..." Where is the friend or lover standing by to tell us, "Dude, you don't have to put up with this, even if they are family"?  Admittedly, there are countless varying degrees of dysfunctional, and each individual needs to be the judge as to what level of dysfunctional is the straw that breaks the camel's back.  For me, it is when someone becomes so toxic, that there is just no moving forward.  It becomes an ugly tango where moving on and making peace is not an option in their mind.  Love, forgiveness and willingness to better themselves and the relationship are a must.  I also believe, above all the aforementioned things, that humbleness need overtake pride. Try to not only sympathize with your family, but empathize with them.  Seek first to understand, then be understood.  Know your own weaknesses, admit them, be humble & get over this damned pride that stunts our emotional and spiritual growth.  If you are allowing pride and its disastrous counterparts (stubbornness, apathy, malice, vengeance, bitterness, immaturity) to prevent a remedied relationship, then you are dooming it on your own terms.  

They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers.  -David Assael

We can pick our friends, we can pick our nose, but we cannot pick our friends' nose.  We also cannot pick our family.  I know that there are some friends in my life that have become my family, and I cannot imagine my life without them.  We put up with more from people because they are family, and that is understandable.  But when we realize they don't want to better the relationship and they want their own world to be the sole existence, do you put your hands up and concede them their wants?  Not because it's too hard, but because they will be genuinely happier?   It's hard to explain and fix a lifetime of hurt, especially if it is ill-perceived or even misconceived. As I have grown up I have learned many, many things... My parents are not infallible, Santa Claus is a necessary lie, laughter keeps you young, absolutes are anything but, one person's trash is, in fact, anothers treasure & relationships are hard: regardless of what type.  The hardest lesson I have learned, taking me 27 years to do so, was that just because your blood runs in the veins of another, doesn't mean you are connected, no matter how badly you want it.  If you love something, set it free... 


Family will always quarrel, they will always love hard, they will always fall upon each other in hard times.  One thing there should never be is hate.  Hate is the ugliest of words because it is the ugliest of emotions.  We have an estranged uncle on my mother's side, whom, due to excessive drug abuse, has done unthinkable things to my family.  We don't speak with him, and though he is dying of awful diseases brought on by said drug abuse & reckless lifestyle  choices, I cannot bring myself to hate him. I pity him and his cowardly approach to life. I am saddened that his lack of priorities has left his young daughter without a proper direction, pregnant & likely to repeat his mistakes.  I feel remorse that he wasn't able to be helped, though Lord knows my family tried.    I don't hate him.  I blame him, I don't trust him, I ache for the sadness my mother felt early in their relationship's demise.  Hate should never be a family word.  Hate denotes malevolence & apathy at the same time: if you hate me, and I were to pass on, you would either not care or be glad this world is rid of me.  These definitions are non-negotiable.  People cannot simply determine after these words are uttered that their meanings are different than that of the rest of society.  Pick another word, stop and feel your emotions and take the time to find the appropriate description before you slap labels and make your feelings clear & absolute.  Some things cannot be unsaid, some things cannot be undone & some things cannot be fixed.  


Family is about acceptance and unconditional love: If these ridiculous, completely different individuals can all love and accept each other, why can't we?  

Life is short: Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, create something, be good to one another, break the rules, take chances & don't trample on others' hearts. 

xx.a

twenty.seven

Tomorrow I will have been on this earth for twenty-seven years. Twenty. Seven.


Didn't I just turn 25 and have my 'Quarter Life Crisis'?  Was that even a crisis?  I was more tripping out about where my life was, I think.  For those of you who know me, 26 was a cluster-ball-buster, and, though I would rather wipe it from the books completely, there was so much outside drama happening I was unable to process anything internally.


What have I accomplished?
How far have I come?
Who am I?


Add about a dozen more questions, the last being; "By whose standards?"

Here are some things that others accomplished at the age of 27: 

-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. dropped out from his job at General Electric to become a full-time writer.

-Henry David Thoreau went off for two years to live alone in a cabin at Walden Pond.

-Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first person in space.

-Memphis millionaire Frederic W. Smith founded Federal Express.

-Scottish botanist David Douglas discovered the Douglas fir.

-Ernest Hemingway published his first novel, The Sun Also Rises.

-Boston dentist William Morton pioneered modern anaesthesiology after learning that inhalation of ether will cause a loss of consciousness.

-Conceptual artist Piero Manzoni crapped in 90 small cans which were then factory sealed and offered for sale at the price of gold.

 Even the conceptual artist did something worth mentioning!  It's not as if I haven't accomplished anything, I know I have lived leaps and bounds beyond many people my age, and even some twice my age, but it leaves me wondering... Does it matter, and if it does, do I give a half a damn? What do I care if someone my age owns a condo and has been at the same job for 5 years? I lived in Europe, shot with some of the most revered photographers in the world, met countless fascinating people and kissed the stars. Take that, Manzoni! 


I have discovered that judging oneself requires a certain sense of consideration of the surroundings.  For example, you can own a 2500 sq. ft. home in the south for under $200k... or you can own a condo at 1/3 the size for 3x the price in Los Angeles.  Those of us living in major metropolitan areas shouldn't be judged against the same standards as those living in the burbs, there is no circumstantial level playing field. I feel the same is true for most circumstances, even one's career choice alters completely the standards by which they are judged.  In the advertising industry, no one- literally- gets married before they are 35.  Women in the South go to college to obtain their MRS degree.  (Can't take credit for the marriage joke, but it's my favorite.)  I think it's safe to say that judging where a life is based on age is pretty much approaching pointless.  Aside from having a job, not living in your parents' basement while playing LAN games all day with guys wearing PacMan shirts, there isn't much else one can ask of an individual.  Live your life, that's all one can do. If you're not busy living, you're busy dying. 


At 26 years and 364 days old/young, I can honestly say that even though I don't own a home, have a solid savings account, a husband, kids or a solid career path like my grandfather before me, I cannot help but feel accomplished and happy.  Yes, I have work to do and things to change, but overall this short, wild ride we call life is not going to be reviewed by the Accomplishment Gods on a checklist-style grading curve.  If anything, it will be how full our hearts are, how exciting our stories are and our battle scars- those acquired and self-inflicted.  I love every one of mine. 


The souls we lost at 27- Pope John XII, artist Jean-Michel Basquiat, athlete/soldier Patrick Tillman, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and James Morrison- goes to show that there is no set standard or guarantee of "one day"...  Perhaps my "Holy shit, I'm 28..." blog entry will bode boasting of my survival, and that of legendary stories.  Cheers to old age.  xx.a

rain, rain, come when I say...

The rain is loved by some, hated by others. Either way you tend to lean it seems that there is no escaping that it refreshes and renews everything, washes clean the day to day madness and waste and allows a clearer view of the world upon ceasing.  It is considered, by some, to be a necessary evil- washing our cars, watering our lawns and gardens, cleaning our gutters- but in this world of instant gratification, society often wants what it wants, but when when they want it.  


We don't always want things when they are offered to us and can even be found proverbially stomping our feet when it is raining instead of the sun beating down on our skin.  Isn't this true of opportunities in our everyday life?  Perhaps the rain, so to speak, is offered to us to help us reset our points of view and our behavior.  Everyone needs a rest once in a while, to decline a social engagement and recharge their batteries, reconnecting with their loved ones at home, or even just yourself.  Why complain about the rain when you can take a deep breath and appreciate that maybe it is time to reconnect, recharge, or just put that to-do list in its place.  


The same can be said for a moment of weakness or sadness in life, even if unprovoked or elicited, just to allow yourself to settle and release anything negative from the week.  I don't think some people allow themselves the quite moments where the rain beats on the windows and there is silence.  Conversely, some people focus far too much on the torrential downpour they feel their life represents.  To those glass-half-empty people; knock it off. Life is tough, we all go through a tremendous amount of suffering, loss & tragedy in our lives.  Truth be told, some handle more than others, but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate the beautiful moments that bombard us daily!  Stop focusing on the negative, and find the silver lining. 

"Rain, rain, go away... Come again another day!" 


I think it beneficial to learn to appreciate the rain, for without it, we cannot appreciate the sun.  Just like we cannot appreciate those wonderful moments with our loved ones without time alone, and the reverse being just as true.  So when it rains, remember that it is feeding your gardens and lawns, which when it is sunny, you will play on and enjoy so much more, as they are green and healthy.  When your soul has a rainy day, remember that it is making you stronger and you are going to be twice as amazing the next day.  We should stop trying to control every aspect of our lives, allow some things to carry you to a new and wonderful place, then get back on your feet and forge an incredible path of your own.  


"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky." -Rabindranath Tagore 


xx.a

realism v. romanticism

We as individuals are forced to define ourselves on a daily basis: age, race, gender, socioeconomic status, vocation, ethnicity, religion, creed, sexual preference, political party... The list goes on and on.  As I have mentioned before, I consider myself to be a dichotomous person, and am often frustrated when it comes to labeling myself to ease someones discomfort and uncertainty.  I have been posed many questions in my years wandering this planet, some have been the easiest to answer, some remain unanswerable based on an inability to fully shove my thought process and belief system into a box someone else made 100 years ago.  The one question that has often puzzled me, yet I refuse to give up on, is as follows: 


Are you a Romantic or a Realist? 


I pride myself on having spent many moons in the depths of both lands.  I once resided so deep in the forest of Realism that I begin to wonder if I have lost my mind, much like the movie 'Inception', and had become cynical and jaded.  I basked in the unadulterated glory of the sun of Romanticism that I feared burning my retinas and never seeing clearly again.  I am pleased to report that I believe I survived both exposures, in spite of their duration and adverse effects on the ol' ticker.  


I decided to delve into each respective philosophy and figure out what it is that is keeping me awake at night and answer these questions: 


1.  Are the presentations of Realism & Romanticism skewed, respectively, and does this affect our perception of the philosophies? 
2.  Are they mutually exclusive? Mutually beneficial? 
3.  Can I be both? 



ro·man·ti·cism

       [roh-man-tuh-siz-uhm]

         –noun

1. Characterized by a heightened interest in nature, emphasis on the individuals expression of emotion and imagination, departure from the attitudes and forms of classicism, and rebellion

against established social rules and conventions.

re·al·ism

       [ree-uh-liz-uhm]

          –noun

1. Interest in/concern for the actual or real, as distinguished from the abstract, speculative, etc.

2. The tendency to view or represent things as they really are.
3. The doctrine that universals have a real objective existence.
4. The doctrine that objects of sense perception have an existence independent of the act of perception.

Romanticism is often classified as "unreasonable, irrational, unrealistic, fantasy" etc. I chose the above definition, after a fair amount of searching, because it is the least threatening to the spirit of the movement.  This definition is complimentary, whereas others, such as, "Not based on fact; imaginary or fictitious" denotes a complete lack of credibility and leaves little magnetism [cue: irony]. I see little to nothing wrong with allowing the poetry of life to enhance each of our respective lifetimes here on the third rock from the sun.  


Realism, conversely, denotes a purely logical approach to life.  Who wouldn't be a realist?  It's silly to live in La La Land like a Romantic.  Terms like "Really are" and "Actual" insinuate indirectly that Romanticism is ridiculous and should be left on stage at high school graduation.  Grow up, Amie. You cannot possibly be a romantic.  You have years and years of education, have been in the work force for over a decade and have had enough heartbreak to carry you through two lifetimes! 


Oh, but then there is that little line about "existence independent of perception".  Shit.  That actually makes sense.  Is that where the beauty- raw as it may be- of Realism lies?  How very He's Just Not That Into You... "Stop superimposing your self-developed ideals and fantasies into reality... It is what it is."  Oh, bite me. Life is far too short to be an extremist and even shorter when you consider that not one person on this bloody planet- experts of all sorts included- knows what in the blazes they are doing.  We are all stumbling through this life, even those who know infinitely more than the rest, and all we can do is love and learn every single day. That being said, since we don't know exactly what reality is, nor are we experts in perception or presentation of self, we most likely are screwing something up.  Oh, that's reality. 


Enter: Romanticism.  Realism says, "He didn't call, he's not into you."  Romanticism says, "He got busy... he's nervous...he's waiting 6 days like 'Swingers'..." Often times individuals- especially women, by gender role- tend to bury their heads in the [romantic] sand in hopes that Realism won't wander by and smack them upside the head. A crutch is unnecessary, ladies and gentlemen, just take a deep breath and one step forward at a time. We need balance in our lives, that is undeniable.  What is often forgotten is that the balance is respective to each individual person.  Male and female gender roles may play a part in generalities, but over all I find that the soul needs to be fed what it needs to be fed.  My soul needs both. 


Therefore I have composed two short letters to each respective movement, in hopes that one day, if I am a really good girl, Santa Clause will bring me what I wish for. 

Dear Realism,

Please help me to not get my hopes up and expect too much from people; both as a societal whole and as individuals in our relationships.  Please remind me daily that I need to work hard, as no one is going to give me what I want or take care of me for the rest of my life.  Please help me to see shit coming that I might normally be to head-in-the-clouds to foresee & the calmness to navigate the situation rationally.  Oh, and a decent 401k. 

Regards,

Amie 

And now, it's counterpart: 

Dearest, Sweet Romanticism... 

Please help me to travel the world (without breaking the bank, of course) and complete my bucket list before I am too old to read it.  Please help me to keep my girly figure (while not obsessing over every meal, of course) and have as little physical change over the next 40 years as possible. Please let me live without regret (while learning from my mistakes, of course) and keep all of my friends (while making new ones, of course) close and loved.  Most importantly, please help me to find someone to fall deeply in love with someone who I can be myself with (who has the same goals/core beliefs, of course) to share my life with. Please let them be kind, caring, considerate, trustworthy, honest, loving, compassionate, generous, hopeful, smart and driven (but modest, of course).  Please let that person appreciate me, life & all the blessings around them (without being too soft, of course). Please let every day be an adventure, let each night be a celebration of sorts and let each beautiful moment be appreciated.  

All my love and gratitude, 

Amie Ann 

Satire aside, I don't see anything wrong with allowing the soul to reside in both categories.  We all go through stages in our lives and shouldn't we allow ourselves to adjust our personal philosophies as we adjust our diets, musical tastes and views on the world?  Call me a "Romantic Realist", if you must, but I have come to the official decision that I am both.  I am a Realist in that I know that Murphy's Law is a very real thing, that relationships take equal effort on both parts & that I can no longer eat a cheeseburger and not work out.  I am a Romantic in that if I put enough good energy out there that I might actually catch a break, that I will find someone to be weird with for the rest of my life & that I will still eat a cheeseburger, but skipping the escalator in favor of the stairs will make a difference.  I feel like I have found my balance (or as close as I can come to it at this point in my life) with the star crossed lovers... Yes, Realism can exist without the immediate effects of Romanticism, and vice versa, however would anyone really want them to?  They need not be mutually exclusive, though.  I am sure, dear reader, that you are thinking to yourself, "Shit, I forgot my coffee on the counter!" But after that you are assuring yourself, "This is the Romantic in Amie, believing Romanticism & Realism can co-exist in someone peacefully".  Sorry to disappoint, but even the Realist in me knows that if you focus on the strengths of each entity, you can become a stronger, better and more passionate version of yourself!  Figure out which version of yourself- the Romantic or the Realist- is better with each respective situation (relationships, work, adventure, etc.) and let them take the reigns. Of course, it never hurts to let the other do a little backseat driving.... 

I hope for the best, but prepare for the worst... I vow to myself to make the best of everything.

"Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else."  -Hob Broun

"There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle."  -Albert Einstein

xx.a

Chella me.

Year of the Yes.  All my sister had to do was take one solid look in my eyes and say, "Coachella?" and I was weak in the knees.  Yes.  Tickets were put on layaway and life once again became the adventure it was meant to be.  Where would we stay?  Which bands to see? So many options... Yet, with a cool head and an excited heart, I sign up not knowing any of the answers. The dichotomy in me rages like the ocean- planner against adventurer- yet the believer in me knows both will be satisfied when the sun rises that glorious day in mid-April. 

Newsflash: Everything is sold out.  Festival tickets, car camping, tent camping, dignity... So, we improvise. Car camping costs $75 online but these soulless scalpers are selling them for $600! Yuppie scum probably won't even be attending, just jacking the prices up in an effort to make a quick $500 and go buy a lap dance and snort cocaine off a hooker's ass. Hopefully they catch pink eye and their car gets towed.  

Isn't the spirit of the festival (and any festival, for that matter) enjoyment of life, music, art, self-expression, people and experience?  Isn't the whole damn point to escape Capital America, fall in love with yourself, all the while forgetting who you are, and have your life forever changed by complete strangers? 

This will be my first year attending the world-famous Coachella Festival, and I am going to experience the immense amount of love and respect for all the aforementioned items that take center-stage (if you will pardon the pun).  I am going to broaden my social horizons, find new musical expressions to take me to another place of understanding, and to find new ways to express myself.  I am going to party with my favorite people and bond on a new level.  I am going  to appreciate what God has created and see it all painted around me.  I am going to be grateful. I am going to share.  I am going to learn. 

In 78 long days- which I will live hard and fill with greatness- I will be standing next to 4 of the most incredible individuals I have ever been blessed enough to know- Lindsey, Chris, Danielle & Ian- and with these people, who share my heart, I will meet 51,000 incredible souls and forever be changed for the better. I cannot wait to dance til I'm sore, sing til I'm mute, love til it's sunrise, feel everything, regret nothing, see through new eyes, hear through new ears, break everything to rebuild stronger and just LIVE. I am a fortunate girl, I am a happy girl, and I couldn't have a heart more full than this. 

To all you scalpers, haters, negative people and people who can't be happy for others- I pity you.  Join us in our happiness and learn to love and live again.  You are missing life, and life is missing you. 

Cheers. xx.a

inspiration drawn

So far, my "Year of the Yes" has been quite successful.  I find myself keeping accountability with my inner child, which is a surprise to me because I thought that, without a doubt, I'd have to be pushed a bit after the holidays.  My inner determination is impressing me, and I find that I am drawing inspiration from the most unexpected places, as well as some old favorites.

I was throwing around some of the things I have been focusing on- YOTY, inspiration, goals, resolutions, plans- and started laughing out loud at how simple it all had really become.  For the first time in a long time, I'm on the same page with myself! As oddly amusing as that statement is, it speaks volumes as to where my life was a year ago.  Learning to listen to yourself, and glance in the mirror once in a while, will keep you in check more than I'd like to have admitted. along the way, but gladly admit and promote in this brisk month of January. 

Where should I look for inspiration?  Should I even go looking for it?  Let's be honest, when we look for something, it tends to hide from us.  It is always when we are focused on something completely separate that we are presented a random addition to our lives.  Looking for love? Get a hobby, because the more you head out to online dating and bars, the less likely you are to find your soulmate.  Or at least that is how life has lead us to believe things work.  Often times I sit down with my paints in hand and stare at that canvas... and wait. Even when I do finally put that sweet, saturated acrylic on the stretched canvas, I am more than likely not thrilled with the result.  Conversely, when inspiration strikes me at will, I find the results are ten-fold what I could have hoped for and I feel as though I truly gave birth to a tangible emotion.  I willingly admit that you cannot rest on your laurels awaiting inspiration for too long, as life will surely pass you by.  I figure the best balance of inspiration is a mixture of natural and self-obtained: allow inspiration to come naturally, and when feeling a drought, change things up and find something new to be inspired by. 

I've discovered knowing what works in your life and what doesn't can be inspiration enough.  Whether it is a job, a relationship, an area of study, or even just the way you are leading your own life: If it isn't working, it isn't working.  We try to force things, as a society and as individuals, to work because we've been taught to "stick it out".  Unhappiness is derived from this very mentality, though I think it is equally drawn from being unhappy with oneself, but that's another entry. However, I must make the argument (I love arguing with myself) that frivolity with your career, relationships and the like is as dangerous (if not more so) than remaining locked into unhappiness.  We should not take for granted the beautiful things in life that aren't easy, free and perfect.  Without the rain and bite in Winter, we would not appreciate the feeling of the sun bathing us in the Spring. The same is true in every aspect of life:

sobriety & intoxication
love & fighting
single & involved
productivity & relaxation
newness & comfort
change & stability
adulthood & young at heart

I enjoy all of these things in their own right, just as I do my own dichotomy. From this comfort and loving who I am, I can say that my inspiration is solid right now.  I'm inspired to better myself, to help others where I can, to create, to love, to take chances, and to bring inspiration to others if I am able.  I thank everyone in my life who is bringing inspiration to my doorstep on a daily basis... Those who are making "Year of the Yes" a reality, you also have my appreciation.  There are many, many big things coming up and you will have been a generous part of making this life of mine something to be reckoned with.

Cheers.
xx.a

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." -Abraham Lincoln 

"Man is the artificer of his own happiness." -Henry David Thoreau

 

end of an era

2010, you're a bitch. You broke my heart, took all my money and the emotional equivalent of taking my brand new beer and the last bite of my hamburger (you know, the center bite with a little bit of everything in it?)... But you also gave me a new perspective, reminded me that things can always be worse, and provided me a fresh start to design- or redesign- my own life.


At the end of every year we tend to take a look back, short sighted, at the twelve months that we think made up a chapter in our lives.  In a sense, they did, however those twelve months were  very much a fraction of a larger chapter in our lives.  We, as a society, often forget to look at the larger chapter until there is a '9' at the end of the year with which we date our checks (who uses checks anymore?).  This year is a very special year for me in closing.  I find myself truly signing escrow papers on massive parts of my life, and with a full heart, keeping the pen I signed them with as souvenir. I've been back and forth across this country, only once for myself, and yet I feel I haven't moved forward in quite some time.  I was once a progressive human being, surpassing expectations and rocking other people's worlds with the bat of an eyelash.  This was a time when I loved myself, which enabled me to love others even more.  This new place that I have been residing in I did not love myself like I used to; not because I wasn't a good person or because I was an unhappy person- but because I wasn't myself.  This ends immediately.


I inherited my compassion from my mother- and for that I thank her- as I feel better in my core when I can bring warmth to another's soul.  I got my passion for life from my father- and for that I thank him- as I find joy in the simplest of things: surprises, sunsets, good beer, laughter, music, inside jokes and so much more.  From each person in my life- family and friends- I have gained something from.  It would take me pages to go through everyone, but rest assured I am thankful and you will get a big hug and kiss from me in the very near future.


I have returned back to this person I used to be in the last few months, but a better version of myself.  I love harder, forgive quicker, take no prisoners, take no bullshit, hope for the best, prepare for the worst, stopped punishing myself, hug longer, and have realized the value of myself.  I have always put others first and it has gotten me nowhere in said relationships.  Perhaps finding this balance will put me exactly where I need to be.  If not, then it's another adventure of self-discovery and stories to tell in a rocking chair on a front porch, one day.


That being said, 2011 is "The Year of the Yes" where I will be saying "yes" to just about everything physically and financially possible.  As mentioned in one of my previous posts, I feel as though saying "yes" lead me to exactly where I needed to be and who I needed to connect with.  Seeing as my priorities and goals have almost all shifted- be it bigger, better, simpler, sweeter or crazier- I might as well follow opportunities and get back on whatever track it is I am supposed to be on.  It's time for me to rock some worlds again, and I could not be more excited and ready.  Watch out, 2011, I am making this the "Year of the Win" as well! 


Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah & Happy New Year to everyone, you are all loved and missed greatly. Make this your year...

xx.a

"Dignity consists not in possessing honors, but in the consciousness that we deserve them."

-Aristotle