me voy

Here I go. Literally, I'm walking on to the plane docked at LAX that will deliver me safely to the newest an most exciting chapter of my life in Quito, Ecuador.


For those of you who know me (or have at least read my blog posts) know I love planning and organizing... But I have a hot, torrid affair with adventure and spontaneity. This chapter of my life combines this dichotomy better than I could ever have constructed myself, and I am at peace with the balance life has presented me.


Things I know...


-I'm moving to Quito, Ecuador. Now.
-I will be teaching business professionals & executives.
-I'm happier than I have ever been.
-I can't drink the water.
-I will not be living in a grass hut, contrary to popular belief.
-I will not be riding a goat, llama, or any other animal to or from work.
-I speak enough Spanish to get in trouble... Not sure if I speak enough to get back out, though.


The list of things I am unsure of is so much longer and more detailed, I'm worried it will stress my readers out and I will have countless Facebook messages and a plethora of blog comments inquiring as to whether or not I was of sound mind when I signed up for this gig. So I'll share with you the ones that make me giggle & provide a sense of how beautifully unclear my future is in Quito.


I don't know how many times I will get lost, how many times I will mispronounce someones name, or how many times I'll wake up and breathe the clean, thin Ecuadorian air and break into a huge smile knowing I have made the best decision of my life.

Honestly, I don't know what I don't know: I am prepared to be unprepared. I cannot fully express how this anticipation moves me in ways I've never felt before. I am moving to a country of which I had zero knowledge of, save its geographic location and couldn't be more thrilled to get to know this world like a new lover. I want to explore her curves, stare into her eyes, laugh with her until the sun comes up, and kiss her sweetly at the perfect moments.


I thank you all for your love, support, encouragement, cards, help, laughs, well wishes, and reminding me that I'm loved on a daily basis.


I will miss my Huntington Beach crew and our Barbie Dream House, vino-fueled photoshoots, scaling the wall like a professional amateur, and walking everywhere there isn't a random truck...


I will miss my LA advertising ladies and our endless laughs, Palm Springs Parties, and industry parties we "have to" go to...


I will miss my Suncrest Crew and our late night driveway sessions, toga parties, Jack from the bottle, big neighborhood dinners, beer pong, stripper poles & GOOD FOR YOU!


I will miss my sweet southern boys and our shit-talking, beer shotgunning, BBQing, days on the lake, Sherlockls, Boston's, and football Sunday Fundays...


I will miss my sassy southern ladies and our ridiculous (drunken) dress-up sessions, Ladybirds, Crown with Sprite-back cut a bitch, stories that happened and we still don't believe...


I will miss my family and our Hearts & Stars, Build Me Up Buttercup, guitar playing, beer brewing, 20+ years of inside jokes, and unconditional love...


I already miss my Australia, Iowa & Sacramento people. Know you're all in my heart.


Mom, Dad, Lindsey, Chris, Lyneia, Chase, Ian, Nik, Lara, Lindsey Sang, Kevin, Finks, Holly, Jason... There aren't words.


Thank you all for blessing me by being in my life, and thank you for staying there as I travel this great world of ours. I love you all so honestly, and always will.


Adios, amigos...


xx.a

vulnerability: a four letter word

Vulnerability is one of the most dichotomous words in the English language. With over a billion words in our convoluted communication system, that's saying a lot. Vulnerability refers to the susceptibility to physical or emotional injury, or refer to a person who lets their guard down, leaving themselves open to criticism. Conversely, vulnerability can be a romantic and noble concept, discussing the permission granted to those we believe won't damage us beyond repair. It has become a four letter word. People are more comfortable swearing in church and being criticized than standing for something and being unsure of the outcome.


We constantly attempt to issue permission to people in regards to vulnerability. We "let down our walls" or require our potential friends or mates to break them down wrecking-ball style. The question is: Why? It's understandable (and a little cliché) that no one likes to be hurt, but have we all forgotten that sweet isn't as sweet without the bitter? How are we supposed to appreciate the warm kiss of the sun without the cold shoulder of the storm?


So, when we decide to take a chance on people, we open ourselves up and allow them to touch a part of us and change us forever. There is something to be said for allowing the UNusual suspect in, in an effort to broaden your horizons. I have always followed the mantra:


Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.


This way, I stay positive and give people a stellar chance to show me they're innately good, all the while protecting myself from irreparable damage and heartache. I allow myself to be vulnerable to the person, not people, as the individual is responsible for their actions, not mankind. Just because some dickead in your Psych class didn't call you after your hook up, doesn't mean that all men are jerkoffs. Heck, he might not even be one:


Seek first to understand, then be understood.


I have been burned badly- we're talking third degree here, people- but what is the point of living this short and sweet life pushing people away? Even more so, why meander through the streets allowing your only connection with your fellow man be the accidental bump of the shoulder and an unintelligible grunt of what is only assumed to be an apology, but who really knows?

I was recently reminded that vulnerabilities are not limited to susceptibility of an attack from an outside force or the romantic heart strings that might be plucked too hard. It is also standing up and applying yourself to a new vocation and hoping you've done well enough to be approved. It's smiling at a stranger in hopes they don't just glance away awkwardly. It's speaking to someone at an airport, then switching seats onboard to continue your newfound connection, whatever that may end up being. Just enjoy it. Don't make a federal case out of everything, appreciate the moment, and know you'll look back and it will have been what it should've been... But don't pussyfoot it. (Yes, I said pussyfoot.) You can miss out. BIG TIME. I have only one minor regret in my life and it was something I did NOT do, not something I did. Most people regret the things they didn't have the balls to do, not the little mistakes they made.


So, go do it. Let yourself be vulnerable, no matter what it is. Dudes, call the girl for a movie, she'll appreciate the forwardness. Ladies, you can call, too, but don't be afraid to grab a 12-pack and surprise him with a pizza night on the couch and some making out. Bosses, take a risk on the applicant who really needs the job. People, apply for the job, even if you're not sure. Humans of all races, sexualities, & religions, open your minds and let's move passed tolerance and into acceptance. Open a door for others, dance like you don't give a half a damn, kiss her when she gives you 'that look' and let go of the traditions that bind you. Take a chance, be vulnerable. Be epic.


xx.a