That very Max Frisch quote rings in my ears as I walked laps at the park this morning with the kids I nanny in tow. I believe that the events that occur during said time change us; they mature us, build character, leave battle wounds that remind us of lessons learned... And if we are reckless, leave us scarred and embittered. I am fortunate enough to have learned early on that regret and remorse over so-called 'mistakes' is a waste of time... But not before letting regret live in my heart and head rent free for countless years.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. -Will Rogers
This is precisely what I am striving to avoid. I have said before that I have no intention of waiting until I am in my last decades to wander this great planet, and I have no intention of allowing the one thing that truly defines me to go to waste: dichotomy. I need balance in my life, I came to that conclusion in my early twenties and have since been a better version of myself. When I was taking 28 credit hours and working 3 part-time jobs, I was all work and no fun. Currently, I am the opposite of the aforementioned lifestyle, and I am craving some structure to my life... But just a little. The same balance can be applied to my "retirement years"... I don't want them. I like working, I like earning things and feeling a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. It may be commissioned artwork only, or I may teach until I am in my 80's, but I know I don't want to kick back and do nothing at the end of my life. Work, travel, love, rest... Live.
That being said, I also believe that dear Father Time is not the only key-holder to our true selves. Yes, events in our lives- first loves, first time having sex, first fight with our parents, first brush with death, first time traveling, first time living on your own- they build character and help you mature... But it is also the decisions we make that show us who we are.
"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." – Unknown
These words remind me of a very passionate, but tumultuous, relationship I was in for a very long time. The words never quite matched the actions because the actions were a reflection of the thoughts & feelings. In this life we live, words are the easiest thing to fake. I, for one, refuse to "fake it til I make it" because I know that I deserve better than that, and so do the people in my life. Your thoughts, words, actions, habits, & character are all what lead you to where you are going: Don't blame "fate" for things that happen... There is a sense of Karma (whatever you want to call it) in this Universe, so be kind and be careful what you put out there and how you treat others, but you are in control of your life! If you pay attention, you will find your true self a little bit each day... Then live.
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| Strong then... |
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Strong now...
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xx.a
"We must get beyond textbooks, go out into bypaths... and tell the world the glories of our journey." -John Hope Franklin
Have you ever been so excited that your hands literally are shaking and you cannot stop smiling? It feels like the sun is rising in my abdomen and there are chirping birds in my lungs, singing a beautiful melody with every breath I take. I love the feeling of happiness, hope, and inner peace.
I officially registered to become TESOL/TEFL/TESL certified. By the end of August, I will be qualified to teach English as a foreign language and will begin applying for jobs over seas. Those of you who have been a part of my adult life know that I have wanted to do this for the better part of a decade, however, I made the choice to- let's just leave it at "postpone"- my dream for others. Twice. In the last 9 months, I have had an awakening in my soul and started respecting and loving myself more than ever. I have become a better version of myself and I am the happiest I have ever been. Now I can pursue my dream, because I know I deserve it, and I do not need another's validation.
This adventure I am about to embark on marries so many of my favorite things in life: travel, teaching, passion, learning, adventure... The list goes on and on. I have found nothing but support from my family and nearest and dearest friends, and for that I am endlessly thankful. Initially, my intent was to venture out through the JET Programme, however in light of recent events I feel my path is taking me elsewhere. I will always have a serious love affair with Japan, and we will one day be reunited, but for now I will find love in another place. I was also looking very seriously into Dubai, however being a woman (and a sassy one, at that) it would be extremely difficult for me to find a job without a Masters Degree and limited work experience (they also have a hold on all work visas for non-UAE passports). Based on my qualifications and what is out there in this market, I am looking at South America. Brazil and Argentina are the top two contenders for my attention, thus far, and I am taking some serious time to research the countries and their respective lifestyles, pay, cost of living, etc.
This is going to happen very quickly, but it has been a long time coming, so I feel the immediacy of my departure is appropriate. I will begin applying to schools in both countries (as well as Ecuador, Taiwan & Panama) at the beginning of September, and depending on the interview and work visa processes, I could be gone as early as November 2011. Wherever this adventure takes me, I will still be on facebook, Skype, ooVoo, Whatsapp and blogging faithfully. Once I am assigned a school and get settled, I will also develop a work-based blog from an ESL teacher's perspective, but more on that later down the road.
There will be a couch available to anyone who wants to make the trek and visit me wherever I am teaching, and know that I am still adding things to my Bucket List, though achieving this goal will definitely be crossing a few off of it as well! I hope that you all start thinking about whether or not you are grabbing hold of your dreams and desires of the heart. Life is far too short and far too beautiful. I breathe freely knowing that one day, this sunrise in my soul will be one on another continent, and I am free.
“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”
xx.a
